Fearful 30 year old

[RJayne]

I understand being upset, anyone would be, but to me you don't sound a mess you sound brave and determined. There's nothing you can do now about not getting this tooth fixed earlier and that's nothing to beat yourself up over, you are fighting your fears to the best of your ability and it sounds like you've decided that now is the time to do something.

Are you registered with this dentist already? Have you met them? Maybe you could explain that this is an emergency and ask if they are willing to just do this treatment, if so you can decide afterwards if you like them enough to stay having had some experience there already.

As for practicing speaking, could you not ask your manager or supervisor for a non talking job for a day or two, maybe a white lie about your throat or voice if you can't stand explaining why, a little white lie isn't going to hurt if it helps you cope.

When you go to make that call remember everyone here has your back, you've got this.

 

[helpmex]

I understand being upset, anyone would be, but to me you don't sound a mess you sound brave and determined. There's nothing you can do now about not getting this tooth fixed earlier and that's nothing to beat yourself up over, you are fighting your fears to the best of your ability and it sounds like you've decided that now is the time to do something.

Are you registered with this dentist already? Have you met them? Maybe you could explain that this is an emergency and ask if they are willing to just do this treatment, if so you can decide afterwards if you like them enough to stay having had some experience there already.

As for practicing speaking, could you not ask your manager or supervisor for a non talking job for a day or two, maybe a white lie about your throat or voice if you can't stand explaining why, a little white lie isn't going to hurt if it helps you cope.

When you go to make that call remember everyone here has your back, you've got this.

RJayne. I really appreciate your responses and your sincerity over this. It really feels good to know that there are people out there that understands what I’m going thru. I think I’m at a point where I just can’t tell myself no anymore. This needs to get done and I must call this dentist. I never been to this dentist before but I was highly recommended by my in-laws. They deal with dental phobia but they also do every dental procedure out there so it’s good to know I can stick to one person for everything. I read reviews too and they’re all excellent reviews. I think my biggest fears is judgement and finding out more issues. I feel very very embarrassed to open my mouth for this dentist but I know many people say dentists have seen far worst cases than mine. But what I feel is, inside their heads somewhere in there. They are judging. I don’t know maybe I’m just too used to being judged all the time by people and I don’t wanna be judged for something I myself neglected all these years. And is actually my fault.

 

[Enarete]

Is there any chance for you to send them and email instead of a call? You could let them know about your fear of judgment and how hard this is for you.

I know it might not change your perception, but a kind caring dental team won’t judge you. They will have experience with nervous patients and will want to help. They will also be prepared for you to need some work as the most very nervous patients do.

Helping nervous patients is actually something nice. Seeing someone going those steps feels very rewarding and every success of you will feel like a success of them.

Keeping my fingers tightly crossed for you to be able to get in touch with them.

 

[Spider]

I've caught up on the whole thread. I'm so sorry- I can really relate to how you're feeling. I'm slowly working on my dental fears, and with each appointment, there is healing (my mind and my mouth). Its so freaking scary to start the process though. The first appointment is usually an exam, X-rays and a cleaning and you'll meet the dentist and they'll tell you whats going on with each tooth. You're the paying customer so you should have control over your treatment plan. I was very upfront about what freaks me out and what I needed them to do to keep me from panicking. I really liked the dentist and his assistant (its a practice with 2 dentists), so in my file they wrote that I'm only to be scheduled with them for any treatment. I'm really rooting for you- please update tomorrow!

 

[RJayne]

RJayne. I really appreciate your responses and your sincerity over this. It really feels good to know that there are people out there that understands what I’m going thru. I think I’m at a point where I just can’t tell myself no anymore. This needs to get done and I must call this dentist. I never been to this dentist before but I was highly recommended by my in-laws. They deal with dental phobia but they also do every dental procedure out there so it’s good to know I can stick to one person for everything. I read reviews too and they’re all excellent reviews. I think my biggest fears is judgement and finding out more issues. I feel very very embarrassed to open my mouth for this dentist but I know many people say dentists have seen far worst cases than mine. But what I feel is, inside their heads somewhere in there. They are judging. I don’t know maybe I’m just too used to being judged all the time by people and I don’t wanna be judged for something I myself neglected all these years. And is actually my fault.

Am I right in thinking that apart from a few years ago when you had an infection treated in an emergency situation you've not been regularly to the dentists since childhood? If so I think what you're seeing as neglect when you look at your teeth has largely been out of your control, doing the best home care you can will still leave areas and build up that you just can't clean yourself, a dentist has to do it. Your fear has kept you from this treatment but it doesn't mean you've been doing anything wrong or are lazy or anything else you suspect the dentist may think, even if it doesn't look pleasant it's mostly minerals. You're correct when you feel the dentist is scrutinising your mouth but it's a professional assessment not personal, they're only interested in getting you back to health the right way.
You said you're worried about finding more issues but the sooner the better in this case, the sooner they're found the faster they can be treated and with better outcomes, the certainty can also be helpful for your mental health - no more worrying about what if, just a plan of action.
Best of luck with your phone call (or email) let us know how it goes.

 

[helpmex]

So today is the day. I actually called in sick for work because I just couldn’t face going in there with a cracked visible tooth. The office opens in one hour. My heart is beating super fast and I haven’t slept at all last night. I just really hope they are able to take me in today for an “emergency” visit and a consultation. And I really hope they can fix this tooth today as well too.

Thank you all for your kind words. It’s given me a little hope and strength to do this.

 

[helpmex]

Am I right in thinking that apart from a few years ago when you had an infection treated in an emergency situation you've not been regularly to the dentists since childhood? If so I think what you're seeing as neglect when you look at your teeth has largely been out of your control, doing the best home care you can will still leave areas and build up that you just can't clean yourself, a dentist has to do it. Your fear has kept you from this treatment but it doesn't mean you've been doing anything wrong or are lazy or anything else you suspect the dentist may think, even if it doesn't look pleasant it's mostly minerals. You're correct when you feel the dentist is scrutinising your mouth but it's a professional assessment not personal, they're only interested in getting you back to health the right way.
You said you're worried about finding more issues but the sooner the better in this case, the sooner they're found the faster they can be treated and with better outcomes, the certainty can also be helpful for your mental health - no more worrying about what if, just a plan of action.
Best of luck with your phone call (or email) let us know how it goes.

Yes aside from I believe two years ago I have not been to the dentist since I was 8. Even when holes were coming, tooth were cracking and breaking I just never went. It was that infection that forced me to go. I wish I can go back to that dentist, but she scammed all my money out of me. But at that time I was in so much pain I didnt care to wait. That procedure should not have cost me $6k usd.

I think my updated problem now is... 1 cracked tooth bottom right (where the infection was) two missing teeth with just remnants left next to the cracked tooth. One missing tooth bottom left. One cracked tooth top right. And now 3 cracked tooth top left. Not to mention a hole in the back of both canine teeth. And for sure cavity or damaged teeth on bottom left. You see my mess? Sigh...

 

[SolitudeIsBliss]

Hey Helpmex,

I've just caught up with your thread after reading your message to me.

That dentist you've found sounds like a great choice for you in your current situation. I totally understand your fear of judgement. It is what stopped me from going to the dentist for over 20 years.

My best advice to you is to be upfront and honest about your fears, concerns and phobias. Dentists at the end of the day are human beings and the vast majority of people, in my experience, respond with compassion if you open up about things and ask for help.

 

[RJayne]

Yes aside from I believe two years ago I have not been to the dentist since I was 8. Even when holes were coming, tooth were cracking and breaking I just never went. It was that infection that forced me to go. I wish I can go back to that dentist, but she scammed all my money out of me. But at that time I was in so much pain I didnt care to wait. That procedure should not have cost me $6k usd.

I think my updated problem now is... 1 cracked tooth bottom right (where the infection was) two missing teeth with just remnants left next to the cracked tooth. One missing tooth bottom left. One cracked tooth top right. And now 3 cracked tooth top left. Not to mention a hole in the back of both canine teeth. And for sure cavity or damaged teeth on bottom left. You see my mess? Sigh...

I'm really sorry they did that to you, that should have been a chance to build up trust in another dentist not an opportunity for them to scam you, I think that would put me off more than the procedures, it's not going to be every dentist though and I very much hope these new ones will be good to you, they certainly sound like a good, caring practice.

I'm not a dentist but here's what I know, horizontal cracks can be repaired quite easily compared to vertical cracks (which are rarer) and likely with bonding material or a crown depending on the size, teeth that have broken down can also likely be crowned (I've heard this can be the case even if it looks like there's nothing much left) and cavities can be filled, the dentist will work with your needs and budget to do the most urgent work first and hopefully the first thing will be your visible tooth, especially if you ask for it to be worked on specifically. An important thing to remember if you're nervous about it, is that modern dentistry will always try to save your teeth rather than replace them.

I'm glad you've got the day off, after making the call you should give yourself a bit of a reward, do something you enjoy for a bit. Again good luck calling them, it's all going to be alright

 

[helpmex]

10:15 now. I gave myself a deadline to call by 10:30. Heart is racing!!!!!!

 

[SolitudeIsBliss]

You can do this!!!

 

[RJayne]

Just take a few deep breaths, you'll be fine, I'm cheering you on

 

[helpmex]

Can someone give me advice on how to speak to them? I had this planned:

“I was wondering if you have any availability for today for an emergency visit and also a consultation” is that ok?

 

[RJayne]

They'll probably lead the conversion in asking what you need so mostly just simple answers will be fine, let them know you're very anxious and have a Phobia, it will go in your records and from that point on everyone at the practice will try to help you the best they can, even front of desk

 

[SolitudeIsBliss]

Can someone give me advice on how to speak to them? I had this planned:

“I was wondering if you have any availability for today for an emergency visit and also a consultation” is that ok?

That sounds good to me. Like RJayne said, that'll most likely continue into what the problem you need addressing.

 

[helpmex]

The deadline is here. Dialing as I’m typing this shaking literally

 

[RJayne]

I'm so glad you're doing it, very brave!

 

[helpmex]

Well that was a fail. It went to voicemail after prompted that I'm a new patient. I called twice and same thing. SO I left a message saying that I'm looking to make an appointment as a new patient and looking for any availability for today. it's somewhat of an emergency. Please call me back blah blah blah..... so let's see....

 

[krlovesherkids777]

I hope they get back to you soon!

 

[SolitudeIsBliss]

I know it is disappointing to get the voicemail but you should take a bit of pride in the fact that you have got the ball rolling in a very tangible way. Fingers crossed they give you a call back soon!