In full panic

[gillis42]

I have an appt. sept 12 and i haven't been to the dentist in years and the last time i went the dentist embarrased me to the point of tears. I'm terrified of any pain and can't stand the idea of having my mouth looked into and then being lectured, i'm really dreading this appt and seriously thinking of cancelling but i can't let this go on. please i need some support.

 

[Kim]

My second of the day, and you have come to just the right place for support and advice.

How horrible is that, that the dentist embarrassed you to tears, and then on top of that lectured you. Simply not acceptable whatsoever.

I don't know if you are going to a different dentist this time - I bloomin' hope so - and what I will say to you is, that although you will feel scared and incredibly vulnerable, you are the patient, and you don't have to have anything either said or done to you that you don't want. Your first visit will just be to take a little lookie, and they don't even have to use the 'picky' thing if you don't want it.

You should (even tho' you are nervous) get a 'feel' for the surgery and the staff there, and if this is a good feeling, and you come away feeling relieved, then stick with it. If on the other hand you have the opposite, do what you have a right to do and ta ta to that one, and go find one that you are comfortable and at ease with.

I did that three times before I ended being extremely fortunate and finding my current dentist, and believe me, if I can do it, anyone can.

Try to go next week, as you obviously have things that you need to be helped with, and try - I know - it is sooooo difficult - to not stress too much, as Carole told me the other week, dont even think about it until after the weekend! I was too not to do as she told me and so pushed it to the back of my mind until Monday

Take care sweetie, we are all here for you whenever you need.

Kim

 

[gillis42]

My second of the day, and you have come to just the right place for support and advice.

How horrible is that, that the dentist embarrassed you to tears, and then on top of that lectured you. Simply not acceptable whatsoever.

I don't know if you are going to a different dentist this time - I bloomin' hope so - and what I will say to you is, that although you will feel scared and incredibly vulnerable, you are the patient, and you don't have to have anything either said or done to you that you don't want. Your first visit will just be to take a little lookie, and they don't even have to use the 'picky' thing if you don't want it.

You should (even tho' you are nervous) get a 'feel' for the surgery and the staff there, and if this is a good feeling, and you come away feeling relieved, then stick with it. If on the other hand you have the opposite, do what you have a right to do and ta ta to that one, and go find one that you are comfortable and at ease with.

I did that three times before I ended being extremely fortunate and finding my current dentist, and believe me, if I can do it, anyone can.

Try to go next week, as you obviously have things that you need to be helped with, and try - I know - it is sooooo difficult - to not stress too much, as Carole told me the other week, dont even think about it until after the weekend! I was too not to do as she told me and so pushed it to the back of my mind until Monday

Take care sweetie, we are all here for you whenever you need.

Kim

thank you for your kind words, i didn't have anyone to share my fears with before now and i am so grateful. I have to keep that other experience out of my head and go and have the work done so i can start smiling and talking without feeling self concious. thanks again

 

[toucan]

The good thing is that your dentist wants the same as you, for you to have healthy teeth and be able to talk and smile at life.

I think most of us on here would agree, when we look back, that the days waiting for the appointment are more stressful than anything that happens at the appointment. Try to see that you are doing something really positive to end your anxiety and stress over your teeth. You will feel so good when you have got over this first hurdle. I did! I was too ashamed to go for 20 years. Dental work and attitudes have changed for the better I am glad to say.

Keep posting. You have done so well to take the first step.

 

[Kim]

Bless you sweetie, and even if you don't have people in your own life that you can confide in, you have this site, we have all been where you are at some stage or another, and if you can keep up your own momentum with a bit of help from us lot, you will get to where you need to be, and where you want to be. Can feel another whoop coming on

 

[chickenjen]

I will probably echo all the wise words already said but here goes.....
I agree, keep your appointment. Usually the first appointment is just an assessment of what's going in your mouth. You will be asked to take a X-Ray (those are not painful, though they can be a bit uncomfortable in certain positions) and the dentist will have a look in your mouth, like Kim said, they can look without the "pick" if you want.
Then the dentist will tell you what he's found and his recommended course of action. Nothing will be done at this point, unless you are comfortable enough with the dentist to do some treatment at this point. Usually though, they will just tell what needs to be done, and have you make another apppointment to have the work done.
This is where you kind of decide if you think this particular dentist is right for you. If the dental office feels right, then go ahead and schedule that next appointment. If not, then don't. You might have you make several appointments with some dentists to find one who is right for you. In my case, I went 1 1/2 years with a dentist who I thought was the right one, only to find out later that he wasn't.
I know it's difficult to keep those past dental experiences in the past........I think that most of us on this forum struggle with that, I know I do!
You will ALWAYS find someone here that will listen.................I know I always have.
Best of to luck and keep us posted on how you make out!
Many 's

 

[Steve In Cleveland]

I have an appt. sept 12 and i haven't been to the dentist in years and the last time i went the dentist embarrased me to the point of tears. I'm terrified of any pain and can't stand the idea of having my mouth looked into and then being lectured, i'm really dreading this appt and seriously thinking of cancelling but i can't let this go on. please i need some support.

Hello gillis42!

Just jumping in to add a little love, support, and compassion. The shame and embarrassment of having dental problems can be as bad as-- or worse-- than the fear of pain. I had all kinds of visions of the dentist shrieking in shock, or just lecturing and scolding me for letting my teeth get so bad.

Thankfully, there are lots of compassionate dentists out there (I think far more than the "mean" ones), who realize that patients should be encouraged and praised for coming in to fix their teeth, instead of shamed and lectured for what's too late to change anyway.

Talk to your dentist before you even open your mouth for a look, and let her know that you're scared and embarrassed about your teeth. I remember telling my dentist, "There's a lot of nasty stuff in there!" She just smiled and assured me that she'd just get me out of pain (I'd come in for a toothache), and wouldn't look at the rest today. On my second visit they took x-rays and she very calmly talked me through the work that would need to be done, and treated me with respect and compassion the whole time. She never once asked how my teeth had gotten to this point, or made me feel like I was any different from any other patient. I'll tell you what, it was like all the weight was lifted off my shoulders, just knowing I wasn't going to be scolded!

Here's the important things to remember:

• You're an adult, and you're hiring the dentist to help you fix your teeth up. The dentist works for YOU. So there's no need to put up with a dentist who shames or lectures you. That's why you want to try to talk to the dentist a little before you get started. If he or she is mean or rude, you don't have to work with him. But odds are, your dentist will be compassionate and respectful.
• You're not a bad person just because your teeth need some work. Lots of people let their teeth go, and for phobics like us, the fear of going to the dentist seems to get stronger the longer we're away, so it's a pretty normal reaction to put it off. Forgive yourself for whatever you've done or not done to your teeth in the past, and realize that you're now a good, responsible person who's ready to start changing.
• As hard as it is to convince your body and your racing mind, dental work really is painless. I've had root canals, extractions, crowns, fillings... you name it. And once I'm numb, I can't feel even the tiniest bit of pain. I'm not going to tell you that it's a lovely day in the park, but a good dentist can treat you completely (or nearly completely) painlessly.

There's no real trick to surviving the next week-- the waiting is the worst part. But for now just focus on the fact that your dentist will be kind an compassionate, and you deserve to be treated kindly, and remember that the first appointment isn't about poking or scraping or drilling, just looking!

Take care, you'll get through it!

 

[gillis42]

Re: In full panic part 2

I haven't slept in 2 days worrying about my dentist appt. My imagination is in full effect, i wish i knew what to expect and the unknown is terrifying. I have gingivitis and swollen gums and a partially broken molar that's broken down to the gumline and that tooth has to be removed and i've heard so many horrible things like the breaking and cracking of the tooth and the drilling that i start crying just thinking about it. I keep telling myself everything will be alright but i'm chickening out real fast, the appt is this wed and i want to cancel so bad but i have a neighbor driving me so i have to go but i'm not sure i can even get through the door. will everything be alright? please help

 

[letsconnect]

Hi gillis42 ,

I'm so sorry you had such awful experiences with dentists before - how awful that you had the misfortune to run into someone so rude and unprofessional !! As Steve said, there are a lot of compassionate and caring dentists out there, and the real key to overcoming your fears is finding a dentist you like and trust .

You didn't say how you chose the dentist you are going to see on Wednesday. Did somebody recommend them to you as being good with very nervous patients, or was it a more random choice?

Whatever the case may be, you should treat the first appointment as a get-to-know-you meeting, which gives you an opportunity to find out whether you like the dentist and whether you feel you can work with them. We've got a section on our website which explains a bit more about the first appointment, you can find it here:

Finding the Right Dentist

Making up your Mind

Doomsday - The First Appointment

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you that the dentist you are seeing is lovely, but in case they are not, there are plenty more fish in the sea and you don't need to settle for someone you don't like .

Big s to you!!