Insert Catchy Title Here (aka here we go again...)

[Miss Partial]

Thank you Fearful

Yes. That's gonna work for me. The most awful part is the anxiety prior to the appt. I always think they are going to be horrible to me. I'm going to try it. I hope everything goes well Thurs. Hugs and virtual support to you Fearful.


Miss P

 

[FearfulInMA]

I've completed all of the tasks on my list. Sitting at home, just ate dinner and about to eat a cookie I picked up from a cafe on the way home. Just going to try to watch some mindless television tonight to keep my mind occupied. Hopefully I'll sleep some tonight and won't wake up too early tomorrow morning. My tooth is killing me, so I guess that means I really can't back out of my appointment.

Tomorrow morning will be the worst part... just got to get through one thing at a time.

 

[CollegeBound]

Fearful, I have your list!

Hours of TV time.
Shower.
Brush teeth.
Sleep (hopefully)
Get up.
Eat breakfast.
Get dressed.
Go. Do. Conquer.

 

[Mugz]

Hi ya, Fearful!

Passing the torch to you....and holding your hand through cyberspace right now as the anxiety the night before HAS to be THE WORST. I know you are worried...and to tell you not to be is just wasted text as you can't help it...but the good news is you are seeing YOUR dentist!! While having tooth pain and needing to get to a dentist at all is a huge CON, there are a few PROS going for you...beginning with seeing YOUR dentist. You aren't putting this off and choosing to do it "later" and then possibly, unbeknownst to you, that becomes your last choice as you are forced to deal with an emergency at a clinic you don't know, with a doctor you are unfamiliar with.... and don't trust....all the unknowns that come with waiting. I know you are a planner and are organized with your awesome lists and seeing YOUR dentist tomorrow fits within your comfort zone though it probably doesn't feel like that tonight. I see you as being proactive with your tooth too. Yes, it may have been bothering you for a little while but it hasn't gotten out of your control yet...so you have reasons to be optimistic a relatively easy fix will be all it takes and by this time tomorrow the soreness of the weeks past will be healing....and you'll be feeling better.

Try and focus on that...and things you do know, not worry about things you don't. Again, easy for me to say, very hard to do...I know. Until a few hours ago I was getting ready to plan a funeral for #30, however, as I sat in the car with my friend driving to my appointment I thought, "I could have spent that last week making myself physically ill over NOTHING. I worried and stewed about a root crack and implant etc. on a hunch, really, and turns out the tooth is, at the moment, okay! I can't get those days back...the distraction from work, my daughter, fun stuff....heck, even my birthday last weekend was overshadowed by this appointment!" So, we shall move forward thinking it is just your bite that is off until you have a reason to worry about it being something else. Comfort yourself knowing whatever it is can, most likely, be fixed!!

Try and rest...at least a little. Thinking of you and sending strength and comfort your way tonight..... Mugz

 

[CollegeBound]

I wrote a poem today whilst trying to stay awake during a Psychology video in class. I originally wrote it for Mugz, but I think that you could use it too, Fearful. It is titled Courage.

Just do it.
Stare it in the eyes.
Dig into your heart,
And see what is inside.


Just face it.
You cannot run away.
The problem's here, the problem's now.
I need to see your brave.


Just live it.
Take all emotions in.
This moment is soon history.
It will harden up your skin.


Just be it.
Heros get scared too.
Dynamite your kryptonite.
The cape belongs to you.

 

[FearfulInMA]

Ok folks, it's D day. YIKES. I didn't sleep very well last night. I tossed and turned for an hour or two before I fell asleep and then, sometime after 11pm, someone from my second job called to see if I could work the overnight shift -- someone must have called out. I could have killed her! I keep my phone on at night because my father is not in good health and lives in a different state. They know I work a day job too (it's for the same company) and I just can't believe they would think that calling at that hour is ok. I woke up again numerous times because my stomach has been a mess -- most likely about this appointment today. I had hoped to sleep until about 7:30, but I've been up since about 5:30. My appointment is at 9 so I have a couple more hours to go.

You all know I like my lists, so today's list is the things that I'm fearful of:

1. That i will get there today and that my dentist will not be there. Given that they were not honest with me last time about him not being there, I'm worried this will happen again. If this does happen, I will probably walk out and I'm not sure that I'll ever go back.

2. That my dentist will be there, but will be upset with me for refusing to see the covering dentist while he was out on leave. I know that, for such a no-big-deal thing like a bite adjustment, most 'normal' people would not have any issue seeing a different dentist. I know that it probably wasn't a reasonable thing for me to wait for him to return. I know that I am crazy. I just hope that he doesn't make me feel ashamed about this.

3. That I will say something to the dentist about the painful appointment with the hygienist (I haven't decided if I will or not) and that he will not respond in a supportive way.

4. That a bite adjustment will not fix the problem. While I certainly hope it does, the crown has never felt high to me. I know that even a very small amount off in terms of bite can make a huge difference, but I worry that it will be hard for me to tell if it's going to be any better, because it never felt high in the first place. I know that the dentist will use the carbon-paper-like stuff to check the bite, so I hope that will be enough to figure this out.

5. That the bite adjustment will be painful. I know that it shouldn't be, but I also know that water and air on this tooth are enough to make me jump. Usually I'm ok with a few seconds of pain here and there, but after my experience last week I think I need to have a relatively pain-free appointment in order to start to undo the retraumatization.

Now, as if you all didn't already think that I'm a total loon, I'm going to share with you my totally neurotic pre-dentist ritual (which I haven't ever shared with anyone). I hope that it gives you all a good chuckle because it is pretty ridiculous . Perhaps more powerful to me that my fear of the dentist is that I absolutely hate being late. So, for dentist appointments I am constantly trying to balance my compulsion to be early with (1) I really don't want to be in that office one more minute that I have to be and (2) if I show up too early and they have to deal with me in the waiting area any longer than they have to, they might hate me -- it's a very small practice, so the waiting area is open to the reception area. So, give this, I usually try to arrive 10-15 minutes prior to my scheduled appointment. The issue is that I live in a major city and most often I rely on the subway (or the bus, depending on how I decide to get there) to get to my appointments. There are also times when I do some public transit and some walking (the dentist office is about 3 miles from my house, so I could and have walked the whole way if needed/wanted). Given my need for control and my lack of trust for forces beyond my control (ie public transit), I usually allow myself a lot of extra time to get my appointments. In a perfect world, the trip should take me less than 30 minutes door-to-door, but I usually leave myself 45-60 minutes. This means that, when I get off of the train I usually have a lot of time to kill. Sometimes, I can find errands to do (today I may go to the pharmacy to pick up some things), but more often, I walk around aimlessly and VERY slowly until it feels like an appropriate time to head over to the office. I am the first appointment of the day today, so usually that would mean that I would try to get there only 5-10 minutes early. However, I know that the sooner I get there, the sooner I will know if fear #1 has been realized so I may not be able to hold out that long. You wouldn't think that figuring out what time to get to an appointment would be so complicated . Perhaps, my obsessing about this aspect of it is what keeps me from freaking out about everything else.

Ok... thanks to all of you for putting up with me over these last few weeks. I really do hope that I will have good news to report later today.

 

[CollegeBound]

You can do it Fearful. We'll be waiting to hear your success!

 

[FearfulInMA]

Ok. In the waiting room. He's here. Thank g_d.

 

[FearfulInMA]

Wow. So much to write about a 10 minute appointment.

First, no bite adjustment done. The dentist does not believe that the bite is off, but rather that it is either inflamed or that there is a small infection (or both). He prescribed an anti-inflammatory (Dolobid -- has anyone ever taken it?) for 5 days. If I'm 100% better, no need to do anything else. If not, an appointment with the E. I told the dentist I will not go back to the one he sent me I last time so we'll see how that goes. Fingers crossed that the anti-inflammatory will work! I did mention the appt with the hygienist, but just in asking the dentist to be extra nice to me.

Now for the non-dental stuff... I saw the dentist almost right away when I was sitting in the waiting room (see post above) so that was a HUGE relief. He had to see another patient first so I waited for about 5 minutes which I expected because I was early. The assistant took me back to The Chair were I waited for a few minutes more. When the dentist walked in, I told him that, though he probably wouldn't believe it, I was SO happy to see him. He asked for a hug which I did happily. I can't even tell you all how much I was relieved to see him. He thanked me for the card I sent and then I asked him what had happened. The answer I got was a stark reminder that sometimes ignorance is bliss. I should say that I already had an inkling that there was something more serious going on because he looked quite thin and was dressed in scrubs (which he never does). He told me that he had a very large tumor in his pancreas which was removed. He says that the doctors think they got it all, but I know that a pancreatic tumor is never good. I have been seeing this dentist for close to 7 years. We are close to the same age and we share that we have both lost a lot of weight and got healthy in the time that we've known each other. He has always been so kind to me and as much as I hate going I the dentist I truly care for him as a person. Even writing this I have tears welling up (and I'm not a cryer). I just feel like I've been hit by a ton of bricks. I also am reminded how precious our health is.

As I walked out of the appointment he hugged me again and I urged him to take care of himself. I have to go to work now... then I have a 4 day weekend planned with 2 half marathons and a 10k. I will keep you all posted.

 

[FearfulInMA]

Waiting for the start of my first race of the weekend. Tooth still hurts. I've had 3 doses of the anti-inflammatory which I've been chasing with Tums to combat to heartburn that it's giving me. At this point I'm not at all hopeful that I will avoid another RCT. My hope now is that I can put it off until January when my dental insurance renews. Do you think I should ask for an antibiotic to see if that will buy me some time? I don't have a visible abscess, just pain.

I'm annoyed that I've planned for and trained for months my races this weekend and now I feel so crappy. I also have had no appetite since my appointment on Thursday. I've been really hit hard by the news about my dentist's health. He's so young and it's just not fair that such horrible things happen to such good people.

Sorry to be such a Debbie Downer...I'm just in such a sad place right now. Trying not to wallow in self pity considering that others have it much worse, but not being so successful.

Well... Wish me luck on 13.1 (or 21.1 for those of you on metric).

 

[CollegeBound]

GO FEARFUL!

 

[Mugz]

Hey Fearful!
Just a hello...
Hope you have a better day and your tooth isn't driving you nuts. I do think it may be worth a call for a few days of antibiotics just to see if it helps. They did for me...so perhaps you'll know and it can buy you some time.
Fingers crossed for you.
Mugz

 

[FearfulInMA]

I've just had night number 2 in a row where I had to use Oragel in order to try to get to sleep. It only lasts about 15-20 minutes so I feel like when I use it I'm in a race against the clock to will myself to sleep. I'm supposed to take the last 2 doses of anti-inflammatory today though I've given up hope at this point that I will get relief.

So... I think I probably need to call the dentist today, which I am dreading. In general, I really don't like talking on the phone. I like it even less when I am concerned about what the other person's response will be because I find it very difficult to 'read' people over the phone because there are way fewer non-verbal cues. I really want to be able to speak with the dentist directly so that I can ask him questions about waiting, about what will happen to the crown if I need a RCT on the tooth, and about finding a different endodontist than the one who did my last RCT, but if the receptionist/office manager doesn't offer to have him speak with me/call me back, I'm not sure that I will have the courage to ask.

Ugh, I'm so much better at this stuff when it doesn't involve the dentist -- I'm the one my friends call when they need someone to advocate for them. As a social worker, I was also pretty much a professional advocate for many years. Why do I find this so difficult?!?

Anyhow, I'm also losing hope that I will be able to put off a RCT until after the New Year. I looked at a calendar and it's 12 weeks until the New Year. Could an antibiotic buy me that much time? I don't know if I can deal with the pain from the tooth for that much longer -- I feel like a total wuss -- Mugz, how on earth have you lived with tooth pain for months on end???

Ok, I supposed I should try to get myself moving and start my day. I hope that you all are doing well out there in cyberspace . Thank you, as always, for your support.

 

[Mugz]

Uggghhhh - I feel for you!!! I know how miserable you are. This stuff SUCKETH MUCH!

Calling is ridiculously hard for me too. Ditto any contact in the dental department. I think that it is a necessary evil unfortunately unless you can text your dentist directly or email him and only him...wouldn't that be helpful for times such as this? I'd say call....start some antibiotics and see if they help. I cannot advocate my line of management all these months as it has been oragel, Benadryl at night and/or rx pain medicine...NOT the way to go - it isn't meant to be a long term solution like I have been using it and honestly, it is not always that helpful. I don't sleep and am down at least 10 lbs since July and my hair is totally falling out now. It ain't pretty. I've also done two rounds of antibiotics and two rounds of 800 mg ibuprofen. I am 100 % frustrated. Call your doctor and stay ahead of this, Fearful. Sure it would be great if you could hang on till January but don't push it if you can't....it isn't worth it. Really it isn't. Especially if your delay means they cannot fix the tooth to the extent it won't abscess or whatever.

Extraction may be the easier route for many but I keep jumping to implant and think that whole thing sounds like a nightmare SOOOO here I sit fighting in vain to keep a tooth that may be better off dead and out of my head. I hope there is a different ending for yours!

Sooner rather than later, that would be my advice from this nightmare I am still working through.

((((((((((HUGS for FEARFUL)))))))))))))) You can do it. You can. Is there someone at the office you feel more comfortable talking to if you can't speak directly to the dentist? Would it help to leave a message after hours for someone to call you in the morning? How about via email? You can do it....you need to think about a sacrifice now for a larger gain later....which is exactly what it will be. Temporary stress of the phone call and then relief with antibiotics (HOPEFULLY) or not but you know and can move forward sooner which means less suffering in the long run.....please, take my word for it.....you deserve better, MUCH, MUCH BETTER!!

 

[FearfulInMA]

After another night last night where the pain made it difficult to get to sleep, I decided to call my dentist. After a couple of frustrating conversations with the receptionist, I finally convinced him that I needed the dentist to call me back because there were questions that he (the receptionist) just wasn't going be able to answer. The receptionist also tried to tell me that I needed to go back to creepy endodontist -- which was NOT going to happen. I'm feeling pretty proud of myself for actually standing up for myself. I'm good about this in most aspects of my life, but it's been really difficult with all things dental.

While I was waiting for the dentist to call me back and I started to have doubt that he would refer me to anyone but creepy endo I reached out to a long time friend whose sister is a dentist. I asked her if she would ask her sister if she knew of any local endodontists. I explained to her that I didn't want to see a regular dentist because I have been told that I have super long roots and that it's a second molar that needs the possible RCT. She responded that her sister does RCTs. I shared with my friend that, though I've referred others to her sister, I didn't feel comfortable potentially being a hot mess in front of someone that I might have to later see at a party (my friend often has gatherings where her family is present). My friend just responded that lots of people are anxious about going to the dentist and that her sister has seen it all. It just reminded me how lucky I am to have found this forum and you all who really get it. Thanks guys!

When my dentist called me back, I was so grateful. He had already contacted a different endodontist and explained the situation with my tooth (including that it is already crowned) -- I don't know why I ever doubted that he would come through. My dentist said that he doesn't know this endodontist, but has sent a few patients to him before and that other patients have said good things -- so I'm cautiously optimistic (at least as optimistic as someone can be when headed to the endodontist). I was able to ask the dentist if he thinks that I can wait to have treatment. He said that, if I do need RCT, that I can wait as long as I want but that it will just depend on how long I want to stay in pain. He did say that maybe I won't need RCT and that perhaps the endodontist can do something to calm the tooth down. I'm not so optimistic about this because this has never been the case before for me. I also was able to ask about what would happen with the crown that was put on in April. He said that he hopes the endodontist will be able to make a small enough hole in the crown that it won't need to be replaced. I'm so grateful that he was able to talk me off the ledge once again. so, the short version of the story is that I have an appointment with the endodontist tomorrow afternoon. Not looking forward to it at all, but at least right now, I'm feeling somewhat at peace with it. Perhaps that's because I know this will just be for a consultation and they won't do anything. Or, maybe it's because I'm just so sick of being in pain.

I will update you all tomorrow after my appointment. Please think good thoughts for me

 

[FearfulInMA]

Thanks Mugz -- I think our posts crossed paths as I didn't see yours until after I posted mine. Calling today really sucked. I really don't like the new receptionist guy. He doesn't know me and doesn't seem to understand that when I asked if the dentist would call me back that I wasn't asking for him (the receptionist to call me back). I was so grateful that the dentist did call me back and was incredibly patient with all of my questions. I apologized for asking so many questions because I know it's now what he's used to with me, but I told him I was trying to get better about taking my head out of the sand when it comes to dental things. He said he was glad that I was asking questions. I really do feel so much better knowing that the crown will likely be able to be saved as this was a big worry of mine. I find getting a crown to be the absolute worst of all dental tortures. I was also grateful that he agreed to refer me to a different endodontist and that he had already called to explain my situation. We'll see if I'm still feeling this hopeful and grateful after tomorrow's appointment... lol.

 

[FearfulInMA]

8hrs to go until my appointment. Still feeling relatively calm because I keep telling myself that it's just a consult. We'll see how long the calm lasts...

 

[Mugz]

That's the right way to face it! Keep repeating that...they may take X-rays if you consent otherwise nothing but Them talking, you listening and asking any questions and hopefully leaving with a better vibe of their office from the start. I think it is GREAT that your dentist was already on this BEFORE he called you back. He's a gem! Good luck to you...holding your cyber hand today!!

 

[FearfulInMA]

Thanks Mugz! And, yes, my dentist is really great and knows just how to talk me off the ledge in order to get the dental treatment I need. I don't take any of that for granted and always thank him a million times because I'm so grateful. Now you can understand why I waited for him to come back from medical leave .

Went to see new endodontist today for an evaluation of the tooth that's been causing me trouble. The endo I ended up seeing was a very young woman who looked like she was right out of dental school. She was nice though. I told her what had been going on with the tooth. She did the who tapping on the tooth thing -- no pain (but I knew there wouldn't be because my dentist had already done that). Then she did the cold test. When she got to the misbehaving tooth I think I yelled something like "holy mother of Jesus" and nearly flew out of the chair. That's all it took for her to decide definitively that the only course of action would be RCT. The first appointment they have is for Monday at 8:30am and it will be with a different endodontist -- the receptionist assured me that he is nice and patient. The endo I saw today agreed to give me an antibiotic (though she's not sure it will do anything) which I'm hoping will help lessen the pain through the weekend. In meantime I've stocked up on Oragel and Benadryl.

Crazy thing is, I didn't get anxious at all before or during the appointment today. I hope that the same thing will happen on Monday. The anxiety is so debilitating. I think that being able to 'talk' with you all has helped so much -- thank you to all of you!

Here's my list:
2 work days
1 2nd job shift
a run or 2

 

[zombiegroupie]

good job!!