Just not getting better

[Dawn65]

I don't quite know what anyone can say or do...maybe it just helps to express this... but two months on from extractions, I'm not only not better but feeling worse about it by the day.

Outside of my dental/medical phobias, which are pretty extreme, (among other incidents, I did have a dentist cock up big time as a kid and my natural fear and anger were not only dismissed by both the dentist and my parents, I was told how naughty I was to be frighten and make a fuss), I don't really have other MH problems - the odd situational depression - but who doesn't? That ends with the "situation". But, I'm scared they are going end up sectioning me over this.

Almost 2 years ago the dentist wanted to pull a wisdom tooth due to an abscess. I went into melt down and was referred to special care. I lived for the best part of 18 months with the spector of that hanging over me while I waited and waited on the list, dealing with reoccurances of the abscess making the tooth lose, which was freaking me out and had me barely hanging onto my sanity and ability to fucntion - that was over ONE tooth!!

To cut a long story short in the end they did it under GA. I was in no fit condition to consent. That was taken out of my hands. I have never been a self harmer before, but by that time I was rocking in a corner banging my head on the wall. I tried to run away.

When I woke up, apparently I was fighting everyone and had to be restrained by security - I don't remember that. And I'm NEVER normally a violent person. When I came to properly, a voice said they'd taken SIX. I ran straight for a main road with every intention to throwing myself under a lorry. Police were called. My husband took me home. I was still banging my head and ended up back in A & E. I refused to talk for a fortnight. I've now hacked off all my hair, which used to be very long and thick.

I'm supposedly under the care of MH services because of the dental/medical phobias but 2 years on I am still on a waiting list for psychology. Other than a referral to the Chaplain, I've had no support from them.

I don't feel human any more. I'm freaked out 24/7 by my mouth. I can't think about anything else...and as time goes on my mouth feels more and more freaky. I've covered all the mirrors so there's no danger of me seeing my mouth. I can't eat properly and nutrition drinks from the GP are almost all that's keeping me alive. I don't like talking (I'm a linguist, so that's huge for me). I used to be a confident person - every scrap of self-esteem has gone. I find myself repugnant. It's not vanity. It's just that any and all awareness of what's under the skin disgusts me. I don't want my husband anywhere near me romantically. I can never kiss or be intimate with him ever again. I've lost interest in everything and I'm struggling to get out of bed and function.

I have to keep going to the special care dentist because they are making plates. Everytime I walk in there, I go into melt down and start thumping myself or banging my head on the wall. I have surges of anger coming up from, I don't know where and nowhere to direct it but at myself. I HATE myself for being so weak as to let them touch me in the first place. I would NEVER have consent to this, but legally they are in the right. So, this is all my fault. I want to run and have no where to run to. I can't escape my own mouth. Half the time I do leg it half way through and let my husband talk to them. I MUST not hear any of their explanations. I'll have nightmares if I do.

I'm so wound up about these plates too. I can't NOT have them, but I'll never cope with them. I feel overwhelmed by the disgust everytime I think about it. I'm going try and get something that isn't tooth coloured or shaped, but even so, how can put that in and out of my mouth every day?...to have to put my fingers in my mouth and feel the gaps, I can't. And they'll be so slimy and spitty. I didn't even play the recorder at school, because they get so spitty and disgusting.

She wants to do some cleaning. I used to just about get through that. I don't want to let her touch me now.

I have screamed at the dentist that I wish I'd never come round from the GA. It would have been better if I had died in there. I mean it too.

I keep pleading with my husband to help me. There's nothing he can do. He's taken me to A & E. There MH assess and assess, but do nothing. Some of them are very patronising and dismissive, some do care but I don't think they know what to do, other than leave me waiting for psychology. Time isn't helping with this, every day feels worse.

 

[MountainMama]

I am so sorry you are struggling so much. I can't even imagine what you are going through, as my dental fear isn't that extreme. The depression and anxiety I can understand, though. Like you, I had some really bad experiences at the dentist as a child. I took care of my teeth meticulously, so I wouldn't have to have anything else done. About five years ago, I broke a back upper molar, and got it crowned. It was poorly done and a terrible experience. Last year, with a new dentist, I was told there was decay under the crown and it needed to be replaced. That set off a whole chain of dental issues that I have been dealing with for over a year now, with several surgeries and three extractions. I am not done yet, as I have more issues that need fixing. I actually got diagnosed with situational depression and was started on antidepressants, which helped a lot. Before that, I had no desire to do anything, and it was taking a toll on my family. I still struggle.

 

[Dawn65]

Yes, it's having a massive effect on my husband. I keep thinking I ought leave him to set him free from all this. All I'm doing is making him suffer. I'm no use to anyone like this.

Situational depression is kind of a normal reaction to an abnormal situation. Trouble with this situation is that there is no end to it. I can't go back in time and no one can give me my teeth back. ?

And this has happened to me despite almost obsessive brushing at times from fear that all the nasty things school dental nurses kept banging on about with their graphic models and pictures...

I've had recurrent nightmares about this very thing since I was a child. I used to leave those "lessons" shaking.

 

[MountainMama]

I don't see an end to my situation right now either. I still have a front tooth that hurts. It has had a root canal and an apicoectomy. I really don't want to have it pulled...it is a FRONT upper tooth! Even if I get an implant eventually, I would have to wear one of those flippers that covers the top of your mouth for at least a year, because I had a lot of bone loss with the tooth. I have at least two cracked molars. I don't want to have them worked on because so far every tooth that has been worked on, no matter how minor the procedure has resulted in the tooth being extracted, because the nerve ended up aggravated. Root canals don't work on me. I woke up this morning with a toothache in my 2nd molar on the bottom left. It also hurts when air touches it. That tooth previously had no issues. It is never ending and I am terrified I am going to lose all my teeth before it is over.
I have had nightmares all my life about losing my teeth. It has been one of my biggest fears.

 

[Judythecat]

I also understand your upset, having had a bad run of things in 2017/18. I’ve never been afraid of the dentist, but ended up needing a load of work done due to bruxism caused by stress, non-stop pain, thousands of pounds spent on root canals, and eventually a diagnosis of facial neuralgia. I still think about my teeth non-stop, and feel so angry that this happened to me when I have always taken good care of my teeth. I am another one who has had that teeth anxiety dream since childhood!

You are right, though - you can’t go back, and no-one can give you your original teeth back. Harsh as that sounds, you will have to find a way to move forward and through this, because there is no other option. Lots of people have gaps, or dentures, and adapt really well, even though they might not love it, because they know they need to. Is there any possibility of accessing mental health support privately if the NHS are not able to help sufficiently? Or are there any charity run organisations you could contact which offer counselling? (I know we have some here that I refer students to if they are on NHS waiting lists and no funds for private care, and they pay only a donation if they can afford it.) You sound so distressed, I really hope that you can access some help to deal with everything soon.

 

[Dawn65]

God. Bless you. I have no idea what most of these things are but it sounds awful.

Odd thing was, other than a few tiny surface fillings, I'd never had any tooth issues as an adult until that abscess on my wisdom tooth... can't believe I woke up to find all those teeth gone. I keep thinking this is all just one of my nightmares. I'll wake up in a minute to find everything's ok... like I have so many times throughout my life...but then I don't and it really is real..and I can't cope.

 

[Dawn65]

I also understand your upset, having had a bad run of things in 2017/18. I’ve never been afraid of the dentist, but ended up needing a load of work done due to bruxism caused by stress, non-stop pain, thousands of pounds spent on root canals, and eventually a diagnosis of facial neuralgia. I still think about my teeth non-stop, and feel so angry that this happened to me when I have always taken good care of my teeth. I am another one who has had that teeth anxiety dream since childhood!

You are right, though - you can’t go back, and no-one can give you your original teeth back. Harsh as that sounds, you will have to find a way to move forward and through this, because there is no other option. Lots of people have gaps, or dentures, and adapt really well, even though they might not love it, because they know they need to. Is there any possibility of accessing mental health support privately if the NHS are not able to help sufficiently? Or are there any charity run organisations you could contact which offer counselling? (I know we have some here that I refer students to if they are on NHS waiting lists and no funds for private care, and they pay only a donation if they can afford it.) You sound so distressed, I really hope that you can access some help to deal with everything soon.

Funnily enough right after I typed that initial post, the postman came with an appointment letter...More than TWO YEARS after my GP first referred me. My fear is that this is all a bit too late...

As an aside one thing that really puzzles me in the posts from Brits here is how much they are spending. I thought the most the NHS could charge for anything was about £250. I'm flabbergasted that people are spending so much!

Funny how common that dream seems to be - nice to know I'm not the only one at least.

 

[Judythecat]

Funnily enough right after I typed that initial post, the postman came with an appointment letter...More than TWO YEARS after my GP first referred me. My fear is that this is all a bit too late...

As an aside one thing that really puzzles me in the posts from Brits here is how much they are spending. I thought the most the NHS could charge for anything was about £250. I'm flabbergasted that people are spending so much!

Funny how common that dream seems to be - nice to know I'm not the only one at least.

Really pleased you have an appointment!

Re costs, the NHS is there to basically secure dental health. I paid a fortune for root canals done by a private specialist, because my own NHS dentist (who is absolutely amazing) felt they might be too complex for her because the teeth had long twisted roots. As they are back teeth, if she had tried and treatment failed, they could have been extracted with no real issues. I wanted to save the teeth at all costs, although I actually had to borrow money from my mum for the treatment.

I am in Scotland where things work a bit differently, but I feel really lucky that I was referred to a maxillo-facial consultant after months of pain with no dental cause - that’s the neuralgia which means my facial nerves are misfiring. The NHS is amazing, but it’s so, so over-stretched.

 

[Enarete]

Hi Dawn,

I can't believe there is no psychological help for you available in your situation, especially as you wish and are trying to get some. I am not familiar with the UK system, but was wondering what do you mean by psychological help which you need but can't get? I would think any mental health professional and particularly anyone assessing your mental state should be qualified and able to refer you, but again, I'm totally unfamiliar with your mental care system, but trying to understand what is going on..

All the best wishes

 

[Dawn65]

Hiya,

Oh I was referred...Two years ago.. when that dentist first wanted to pull that tooth... I have a first appointment next week. Two years too late to help.

The UK NHS is fabulous and we defend it to the death, but the govt of recent decades has been underfunding it and hiving bits of it off to the private sector... with the result that parts of it, like mental health, can't cope with demand.

The rest of my problems with it are local issues...our local trust seems to have an attitude problem toward patients. People in other post codes tell me they get a good service ...

 

[LittleLynnie]

Can your GP at least prescribe some antidepressants for you? Not for depression, but for your clearly serious anxiety.

 

[Dawn65]

I understand that many would, each must make their own decision, but for me - No way! I'm terrified of what they would do to me. So many side effects. And I know so many people who never get off them. I'd think they'd make it much worse with the endless worry about them irrevocably harming me.