my dentist but new practice

[harper]

hi lets hows this sound?
C
thanks very much for the lovely chat on fri it   has helped me loads
  there is a couple of things i forgot to mention that are on my mind and worrying me
i feel really awful becouse i think i upset you the other week at the old practice when my top tooth was still hurting after you doing it twice.    
ive also been worrying that im a pain in the butt silly to some people but its worrying me i joke about oh no not amanda again but worry you think that and would rather i went somewhere else. i know i can overcome this fear and think more of myself with your help but i need to know you dont think im a pain.
the last thingis i worry that youll move practices without telling me and ill come one day and i wont know where youve gone.
may seem silly to some but its worrying me thanks for listening
  mandy
is it ok ? thanks xx

 

[letsconnect]

What a lovely letter - that sounds perfect!

 

[harper]

thanks lets you really are a lovely person we should meet up id love to meet freakout who sounds lovely too but think the ocean between us could be a problem

 

[letsconnect]

I don't think I'm near you, either   - otherwise, I'd check out C !

 

[harper]

keep away hes mine .lol not sharing my hugs with anyone where abouts are you if you dont mind me asking?

 

[freakout]

Hi Mandy...Hope all is well with you. Yes the ocean is a problem lol. Thankfully the internet crosses the ocean no problem.

Good luck today

 

[letsconnect]

keep away hes mine .lol not sharing my hugs with anyone where abouts are you if you dont mind me asking?

Actually, I'd rather not say - but you won't have to worry about sharing him !

 

[harper]

hi lets
thats cool as long as i havent offended you

 

[letsconnect]

Of course you haven't offended me !

Actually, I'm not easily offended anyway, but there was absolutely nothing offensive in your post to begin with .

 

[harper]

hope we are still cyber mates feel like you and freakout are my new family. thanks so much for your support

 

[harper]

hi lets,
   i wrote the letter and took it with me i was absolutely terrified when i got there worse than usuall not sure why. i had my two rc's done forgot to breath a couple of times lol. although C said im braver than i think which was nice.whilst i was waiting for my xray at the end and just kind of threw the letter at him me and my bloody nerves! he said i wasnt a pain that he knew where he stood with me which im hoping means something nice? im a bit worried about that   i actually managed to go with S today as he now has toothache, catching i recken. i sat in with him im hoping this will help me which wasnt too bad although at one point i had to look away. the only thing that is when S had his xray done i kinda got in the way and the nurse took it before me and C could get out of the way and he said to her dont worry about me.now i feel really bad about this and now this is on my mind. what is wrong with me??

 

[vicki]

Hi Mandy

You did really well handing that letter over I know it can't have been easy for you but you did it . Now he knows how you feel so I would imagine that must be a weight off your mind?

forgot to breath a couple of times lol. although C said im braver than i think which was nice.

Sometimes we don't realise how strong we actually are unless someone else points it out to us . It takes a lot of courage to go and face your fears - a lot more than most people think.

he said i wasnt a pain that he knew where he stood with me which im hoping means something nice?

I'm sure it means something nice He's said you aren't a pain - so now you know that you aren't. By saying he knows where he stands with you, it sounds like he's trying to reassure you that he knows how you feel .

the only thing that is when steve had his xray done i kinda got in the way and the nurse took it before me and C could get out of the way and he said to her dont worry about me.now i feel really bad about this and now this is on my mind. what is wrong with me??

You've got nothing to feel bad about - from the sounds of it, C was in the way as well so it doesn't matter, if it did then I'm sure they would have asked you to move out of the way . By saying to the nurse, not to worry about you, he was simply saying that you were OK as you were, which means that there was nothing wrong .

If it helps, at an appointment last year I had a couple of x-rays taken and I was so terrified that I was shaking life a leaf. Because I must have been sat in an odd position due to nerves, when my dentist came to put the x-ray films in my mouth, he looked puzzled and said "errrr.... right..... errrr". This made me even more worried that I wasn't sitting in the right position for the x-rays but if I wasn't, I'm sure he would have told me (although of course I didn't realise that at the time   ).

 

[brit]

hi lets,
    the only thing that is when S had his xray done i kinda got in the way and the nurse took it before me and C could get out of the way and he said to her dont worry about me.now i feel really bad about this and now this is on my mind. what is wrong with me??

Hi Mandy
Well done for handing over the letter and as for sitting in with S that's marvellous - I think it's actually worse watching someone else having stuff done as you can see everything. Whereas if you're the patient, most stuff is kept out of your line of sight or you can even close your eyes. Was he grateful for your moral support?

On the x-rays - I'm not completely sure what happened - are you saying you and C should gave been out of the room before she took them for safety reasons?
My current dentist has got one of those up to date x-ray machines with the (unfortunately) larger films which pops up on a computer screen instantly but she and the Assistant always leave me in the room and go outside to press the button. If so, unfortunate for you and C but not the end of the world.

Instead of worrying, you should be congratulating yourself on having those 2 root canals done.  
Best wishes
Brit

 

[harper]

hi vicki
thanks for the reply
yeah it was a releif although i nearly dropped it i was so nervous. i told him when he said about me being brave that i think some of its lack of confidence due to being bullied most of my life.  
hope your right about the him reasuring me it makes sense so ill try not to worry(god who am i kidding) ive been worrying about the x ray thing cos i now feel like i shouldnt have been there in the first place . ill explain better if you dont mind? what happened was i sat in a chair and in front of me is the dentist chair you have to go in a side room whilst they take the x rays but i didnt get up quick enough and C didnt get out of the way quick enough either or you could say the dental nurse pressed the button before we were both out of the way. he said to her  dont worry about me and amanda which i took as me being in the way but maybe he was telling her off for not waiting for us to get out of the way? thanks for what youve saidit really helps  

 

[harper]

Hi Mandy
Well done for handing over the letter and as for sitting in with S that's marvellous - I think it's actually worse watching someone else having stuff done as you can see everything. Whereas if you're the patient, most stuff is kept out of your line of sight or you can even close your eyes. Was he grateful for your moral support?

On the x-rays - I'm not completely sure what happened - are you saying you and C should gave been out of the room before she took them for safety reasons?
My current dentist has got one of those up to date x-ray machines with the (unfortunately) larger films which pops up on a computer screen instantly but she and the Assistant always leave me in the room and go outside to press the button. If so, unfortunate for you and C but not the end of the world.

Instead of worrying, you should be congratulating yourself on having those 2 root canals done.  
Best wishes
Brit

hi brit
    i just kinda threw it at him and looked at the floor seemed like it took him forever to read it lol. i went in with S cos staying in the waiting room on my own freaks me out more than going in although when he put something on steves tooth to see where it hurts i had to look away dontknow what its called but its viscious stuff.i dont think steve really cared if i came or not he doesnt understand
what happened was i sat in a chair and in front of me is the dentist chair you have to go in a side room whilst they take the x rays but i didnt get up quick enough and C didnt get out of the way quick enough either or you could say the dental nurse pressed the button before we were both out of the way. he said to her  dont worry about me and amanda which i took as me being in the way but maybe he was telling her off for not waiting for us to get out of the way?

 

[letsconnect]

what happened was i sat in a chair and in front of me is the dentist chair you have to go in a side room whilst they take the x rays but i didnt get up quick enough and C didnt get out of the way quick enough either or you could say the dental nurse pressed the button before we were both out of the way. he said to her  dont worry about me and amanda which i took as me being in the way but maybe he was telling her off for not waiting for us to get out of the way?

I'd say it's one of the following:

(a) He was trying to reassure the nurse that she hasn't done any harm. This shows that he's sensitive to the needs of other staff members.
(b) if he said it in a jocular tone of voice, he meant it as a joke (along the lines of "oh, it's only me and Amanda you're exposing to x-rays  ").

As you mentioned before, you are prone to interpreting neutral or positive remarks as negative comments directed at you - maybe because you used to be bullied. When you feel insecure and always expect others to blame you or make fun of you, it's very normal to react like that. But I think once you realize that the past is the past, and that people are no longer "out to get you", you'll be able to accept what others are saying at face value  .

I think that at the moment, you're always fearing the worst! So even when someone says something nice to you (and means it!), you're fearing that they are really trying to say something nasty. Because that's what happened back in the past.

Does that make any sense?

As C has already told you, you're braver than you think  !

 

[mirla]

My best guess is:
(a) He was trying to reassure the nurse that she hasn't done any harm. This shows that he's sensitive to the needs of other staff members.

The nurse knows that she shouldn't have hit the button yet. I'm sure the dentist was just saying that it would be OK. I'm sure the dentist and nurse need to be behind the wall because otherwise they would be exposed to many X-rays. The dentist was probably just thinking that you would be OK because this one time won't do you any harm.

In any case, you shouldn't worry about it. Although I know that it's easier said than done...

 

[harper]

hi lets
that makes sense S is always telling me that i take things people say the wrong way. ive always been told how useless iam no good for anything my boss even called me something i cant write on here for 6 months and i did try to kill myself(sorry if that offends anyone) hopefully when i beat this fear not only will i be able to go to the dentist i will be a better person. can i just ask your opinion on this bit ?
he said i wasnt a pain that he knew where he stood with me which im hoping means something nice?
thanks everyone for listening i know my fear is complicated sometimes but your all great and really helping me thankyou x

 

[vicki]

First of all, you might want to go and make a drink or something because this is probably going to be a long post (long posts seem to be my speciality!)...

ive always been told how useless iam no good for anything my boss even called me something i cant write on here for 6 months and i did try to kill myself(sorry if that offends anyone)

If people hear things often enough, after a while they start to believe them. It probably sounds really odd, but it can have a huge impact on your life. For example, although my childhood was OK, my mum always said "are you stupid?" whenever I got or said something even slightly wrong (she still does now - and I'm 26!). I heard it over and over again along with other things like "oh, you're useless, give it here" when I couldn't do something. I grew up believing that I was stupid and useless because your parents are always right aren't they? It also meant that whenever someone paid me a genuine compliment, I thought they were just saying it to be nice - it never occurred to me that the reason they were saying it was because it was a genuine compliment and they actually meant it. And I still have a huge problem with this now.

Another problem with hearing things like this is that because you feel bad as a result of what others are saying, it makes you feel that you have to get everything right or be a perfect person in order to be equal to everyone else (or so you think).

Of course, this is not true. The reality is that everyone is different and people do make mistakes and say daft things sometimes. It doesn't mean that they're any less of a person - it's just part of who they are. Nobody is perfect - I'm certainly not! It's OK to make mistakes or get things wrong sometimes - in fact from my experience, the people who tell others that they're stupid, are usually the kind of people who make more mistakes and are usually really insecure and unconfident themselves.

I may be way off the mark here, but this seems to be something which obviously upsets you way beyond visits to the dentist, and has a significant impact on your life. You can sort this though - and if you do, you'll grow to be more happy and confident and you probably won't even think about a lot of the things that worry you at the moment.

The fact that you tried to kill yourself, says that you are deeply unhappy with things. But you do have a right to be happy and live the life that you want and deserve to. Nobody is any better or worse than anyone else.

I hope you're not offended by this, but have you spoken to anyone (like your GP for instance) about this? The reason that I ask is because I had huge problems with self confidence for similar reasons when I was in my mid to late teens - to the point where it affected my everyday life. I couldn't really do anything or even leave the house at times because I would have panic attacks at the thought of it. I thought I couldn't cope because I believed I was stupid and useless. It got to the point where it affected my degree studies so I ended up going to see my GP who referred me to a psychologist which made a huge difference to the way I now think about things and how I see myself. With a little help from one of the counsellors at college as well, things started to change for the better.

hopefully when i beat this fear not only will i be able to go to the dentist i will be a better person.

Maybe this is the start of things changing for you . You don't need to be a better person though - you are who you are, so you just need to make the best of who you are and what you've got. That's all anybody can do .

he said i wasnt a pain that he knew where he stood with me which im hoping means something nice?

I'm pretty sure it's OK . I think he probably meant that he understands that you're nervous and that you need to go at a pace you feel comfortable with. In other words, he was trying to reassure you that he understands the situation, so you've got nothing to worry about .

i know my fear is complicated sometimes but your all great and really helping me thankyou x

Everyone is different - some people have more simple fears than others. Anyway, if you think your fears are complicated, you should've seen some of my old posts So you're definitely not alone .

 

[harper]

hi vicki
thanks for the reply(i like long posts ) my mum was the same she always said sharon wouldnt have done that always comparing me to her(my sister) i was never good enough for her and felt she didnt love me . she dragged me to that first dentist and held me down whilst he pulled a big back tooth with an abcess if anyone ever says anything i automatically think they mean something else. someone at work said to me today how can you be afraid of the dentist at 34? so i just cried and thought yeah thats me stupid mandy! i have been taking prozac which was helpful but stopped taking it thinking i dont want to feel like a reject i dont need these. i have phoned the doctor and will try and get an app tomorrow. your right about this -he said i wasnt a pain that he knew where he stood with me which im hoping means something nice? because  C gave me a big hug after. iam really lucky he really is a superstar and WILL TRY and focus on this.
thanks for listening .x