my dentist but new practice

[harper]

hi freakout
feels like im taking 1 step forward and 3 steps back i feel all anxious again feel sick and just want to cry

 

[freakout]

I absolutely know how you feel. I feel the same way. I sort of go back in my mind to when I was having surgeries on my jaw. I wanted instant relief, however the surgeon would always say, "it's going to get worse, before it gets better" But it finally did get better. Whenever I take steps backward in my dental phobia, I always remind myself of that fact. While I may have taken a step or two backwards, look how far I have come. You have come along way too. Would you have ever imagined going to the dentist and having root canals with no sedation So see, you have come along way, and a step or two backwards, now and then is well worth it if you can continue to make progress in overcoming this dental phobia And remember, it will get better

 

[brit]

hi lets, freakout
  thanks for the good luck wishes
ive just got back from my worst nightmare the receptionist assisting i so wanted to run away ill probably never be able to go back feels stupid i sat there and had my bottom tooth rc done but im still freaked out(sorry) by the receptionist or whatever she is how can i be scared of the waiting and people its stupid?

Oh Mandy,you poor thing - unbelievable or what....but you can still ignore her ....see the Assistant , whoever it is, as an android, sort of extra pair of hands and don't bother making eye contact - unless you know you like them!
If she's planning on only working 2 days a week - try and get your next appt when she's not there.
I can understand how difficult this situation must have been, given how you were feeling beforehand. Remember they are not all bad - for instance, the sedation nurse at your old practice.

Did the root canal go okay though, apart from this? - that's the most important thing.

Best wishes
Brit

 

[harper]

hi brit
   it was horrible if shes there next time i think ill just forget the rest i need doing and forget beating this its just too hard my rc went well thanks it was fine the worse bits the local in my bottom jaw because that reminds me off the bad experience i had. ive got another problem (will it ever end?) the one we are still leaving after 3 wks to see if it settle, C doesnt want to open it up if its ok. well last night its kept me awake all night and i dont feel very well S has an app today which he doesnt need and i was thinking of asking them if i can have it but of course im too frightened to what you lot think should i ask them or just leave it?

 

[letsconnect]

Hi Mandy, sorry to hear about the receptionist nightmare  . Is there any way of ensuring you won't have her as an assistant? C might know if they have a "timetable" from which you could predict when she's on nursing duty, and you could plan your appointments accordingly.

If you were in a lot of pain last night, I'd consider swapping with S. Are you frightened of asking to swap, or are you frightened that the receptionist will be assisting again?

 

[harper]

hi lets
if im honest iam frightened to ask them to swap i feel like ,i cant explain it just frightened i guess S has phoned them up for me and they have swapped me over . he said it was a new receptionist who told him it was her first day. so yeah im now frightened that she will be assisting again. but the biggest fear is that i only went yesterday and now im back again. i keep seing that man who terrified me so long ago coming out and saying its your own fault they hurt you didnt look after them. i feel like they either wont have told him ive swapped with S and hell be expecting S or worse hell say for gods sake amanda whats wrong with you now or something like that, ive just got the relationship with him i need to beat this and i just keep thinking hes going to give up with me and tell me not to come back. that man has made my feel worthless and that noone would want to help me im just too much trouble so why should C?

 

[letsconnect]

i just keep thinking hes going to give up with me and tell me not to come back.

As far as I can see, you're the perfect patient - you turn up on time for appointments and you are very cooperative. You don't do any of the things dentists don't like (such as forgetting appointments and messing up their schedule, refusing things like necessary x-rays, or becoming nasty with C).

You're the perfect patient  .

Forget about the weirdo dentist you had the misfortune to meet in the past - he was obviously just trying to offload all his own frustrations and sadistic impulses onto you. But that's way in the past now.

What really counts is the present, and you really hit it lucky with C !

 

[brit]

Forget about the weirdo dentist you had the misfortune to meet in the past - he was obviously just trying to offload all his own frustrations and sadistic impulses onto you. But that's way in the past now.!

Easier said than done I know, particularly when sth stirs it up again  - remember you will be able to tackle that angle and the problem of your Mum's involvement, with the psychotherapist. It would have been easier to get over, I would guess, if she hadn't been present:  Your protector failed to protect you.

Maybe you're hyperanxious right now because the new medication hasn't kicked in properly yet. C knows how dependent you are on him to get through all this; He is not going to tell you to go elsewhere - Mandy he really isn't. Shame the teeth are still such a problem though - you're not exactly having good luck with the afterpain. Let us know how you get on.
Brit

 

[freakout]

Hi Mandy...I am sorry you are having a problem.  Like Lets said you are a perfect patient.  I am sure that C would rather that you tell him about pain you are in, than have you suffer.  He can't help you, if he doesn't know.

Best of luck today

 

[harper]

thanks lets thanks brit & feakout,
you guys are really helping me sorry just got all upset then. your right my protector wasnt protecting me she never protected me my whole life she never really loved me and always told me everything was my fault. when i was bullied it was my fault when i lost my job through no fault of my own it must have been something i did wrong so now i think why would anyone want to help me thats why im so insecure i suppose. hopefully when i see the psychotherapist they will help me with the confidence because my fear is related to that im sure. im not really frightened of dentists in the way some people are anymore but something isnt right. how stupid does that sound well im going in an hour if i get through the door !

 

[vicki]

Hi Mandy

I agree with freakout; it's much better that you let C know about any problems or pain so that it can be sorted out. It's his business to help you maintain a healthy mouth, fix any problems and sort out any pain you may be having. He can't do that if you don't let him know what's going on because it's a two way thing. He can only treat what he actually sees in your mouth and on the x-rays - unless you tell him any different. He won't know that you're having problems unless you tell him .

It was a very good and sensible idea to swap appointments if you're having problems so well done for arranging that . As lets said; you're the perfect patient . Not many people do like going to the dentist anyway (and I'd steer well clear of anyone who did! ) but also, lots of people don't bother taking the advice that their dentist gives them or they don't bother turning up for appointments or letting the dentist know that they can't make it. None of these apply to you because you want to get things fixed and are willing to work at it - which is really good.

I think you're maybe right about your confidence being linked to your fear and that is something that the psychotherapist should be able to help you with. When you've been through the experiences that you have, it is hard to accept people as they are and believe that they want to help because you believe that they share the same feelings about you as you do about yourself (if that makes any sense?). But they don't usually. There are some very kind and very genuine people in the world as well - who really do want to help - and I think you've found such a person in C .

 

[harper]

thanks vicki
S said when he phoned the lady went and asked C and she came back and said it was no problem at all, doesnt make me feel any better although i know it should i know your right if i dont tell him he wont know it just seems telling him is the hardest part hopefully that will improve when i see the therapist? perfect patient im not so sure about although i havent actually ran away yet just felt like it yeah that does make sense i supose if i dont think anything of myself i think noone else will. from day one at school i was bullied then bullied in my job when i left school and just went from one job to another bieng picked on till the last one when i try to end it all. ive never really had any real friends or met any reallly kind people so i suppose i think nobody would or could like me. C is a superstar but i think sometimes the confidence gets in the way and i think hes thinking something other than what he says well better go or ill be late thanks for listening

 

[harper]

well ive back and it was absolutely awful i went in and said dont say anything i know i shouldnt be here (it was a joke) and he said damn right you shouldnt be here! i then got very upset and said well ill go now and its not my fault and got even more upset he had a look said i just dont know whats wrong with it and im not going to just take the nerve out if its not that,he then went on to say about there being nothing on the x rays and him needing answers to questions. he gave me yet more antibiotics and at first said if it doesnt get better id have to see a consultant at the hospital, which i said i wouldnt go to. ive now got go to the old practice on thursday so he can use their x ray machine. better quality aparently. i cried all the way home and when i told S he said he didnt mean it like i think he did when he said damn right you shouldnt be here,so what did he mean? i now feel even worse and wish i never went looks like another sleepless night as i just cant get it out of my mind

 

[freakout]

Hi Mandy...I am so sorry you are having such a rough time of it.  It sound alot like the tooth next to my root canaled tooth.  Everything seems fine on the x-rays, yet it is causing me pain.  He also said he doesn't want to just do a root canal on that tooth, as everything appears fine with it.  Did the cleaning to see if it calms down, but it hasn't.  I am not giving up though, if it doesn't calm down soon, he will have to do something.

In regards to what C said, I think he was trying to joke with you, especially since you were joking.  He is probably perplexed with that tooth and meant the tooth shouldn't be causing you problems.  I am sure he feels bad that he can not figure out what is going on in that tooth.

I can be very hard when you have pain in a tooth, but there are no objective sign of what is causing it (ie:x-rays, swelling, redness etc.)  I truley know how you feel.  You must trust that C is doing everything possible to figure out what is happening to that tooth.  Maybe C could forward your x-rays to a specialist to consult on your case that way.  It's worth a shot, why not ask.

I hope the antibiotics help you.  Try & get some rest  

 

[vicki]

i know your right if i dont tell him he wont know it just seems telling him is the hardest part hopefully that will improve when i see the therapist?

It may well improve as you start to work on some of the confidence issues . From my own experience, therapy is not so much of a 'quick fix' but more of a long-term thing which means challenging the way you see yourself and the way you think about things. It's more of a gradual change as you adjust to new ways of seeing things and also thinking about other people.

Once you've had chance to explore your feelings and confidence problems, it will enable you to see things from a different angle which might make things a lot easier for you to move forwards. Did your doctor give you an idea of when the referral would come for the psychotherapist?

i supose if i dont think anything of myself i think noone else will.

No it won't really help things with other people if you don't think anything of yourself or have confidence. People decide what we're like and whether they like us by how we present ourselves - and that includes things like what we say and how we act. If someone has confidence in themselves, then the chances are that they will come across as someone who is happy and relaxed with who they are.

It's more of a gradual change, but if you can stick with it, you should start to feel differently about things.

from day one at school i was bullied then bullied in my job when i left school and just went from one job to another bieng picked on till the last one when i try to end it all. ive never really had any real friends or met any reallly kind people so i suppose i think nobody would or could like me.

That's a vicious circle of thought  - you can break out of it though. Look at the facts - S obviously likes you and so does C (although in a different way obviously ). So you know that at least 2 people in the world do like you. So, is there any reason why other people wouldn't like you?

C is a superstar but i think sometimes the confidence gets in the way and i think hes thinking something other than what he says

Whilst it's true that some people say things and don't mean them, most people genuinely mean what they say. From what you've told us so far, I think C does mean what he says. What reason would he have for saying what he does if he didn't genuinely believe it and mean it? His body language in your photo certainly doesn't show someone who isn't bothered about you .

 

[vicki]

well ive back and it was absolutely awful i went in and said dont say anything i know i shouldnt be here (it was a joke) and he said damn right you shouldnt be here! i then got very upset and said well ill go now and its not my fault and got even more upset he had a look said i just dont know whats wrong with it and im not going to just take the nerve out if its not that,he then went on to say about there being nothing on the x rays and him needing answers to questions.

I think you're reading too much into it. From what you've put, I'm pretty sure he meant it as in "Damn right you shouldn't be here [because I can't work out what it going on with the tooth - it's puzzling me and not quite what I expected]" The bit in brackets is the bit you don't hear because I'm 99% sure that's what he was thinking. It was probably one of those things that maybe didn't come out quite as he intended it to .

If he really didn't want you to be there, he wouldn't be taking it any further or trying to sort out your pain would he?

 

[letsconnect]

In regards to what C said, I think he was trying to joke with you, especially since you were joking.  He is probably perplexed with that tooth and meant the tooth shouldn't be causing you problems.  

I'll second that!

 

[harper]

Hi Mandy...I am so sorry you are having such a rough time of it.  It sound alot like the tooth next to my root canaled tooth.  Everything seems fine on the x-rays, yet it is causing me pain.  He also said he doesn't want to just do a root canal on that tooth, as everything appears fine with it.  Did the cleaning to see if it calms down, but it hasn't.  I am not giving up though, if it doesn't calm down soon, he will have to do something.

In regards to what C said, I think he was trying to joke with you, especially since you were joking.  He is probably perplexed with that tooth and meant the tooth shouldn't be causing you problems.  I am sure he feels bad that he can not figure out what is going on in that tooth.

I can be very hard when you have pain in a tooth, but there are no objective sign of what is causing it (ie:x-rays, swelling, redness etc.)  I truley know how you feel.  You must trust that C is doing everything possible to figure out what is happening to that tooth.  Maybe C could forward your x-rays to a specialist to consult on your case that way.  It's worth a shot, why not ask.

I hope the antibiotics help you.  Try & get some rest  

hi freakout
   yeah sounds exactly the same its next to my rc tooth as well he is going to get someone else to look at the xrays on thursday the old practice has 6 other dentists. maybe ive hurt his pride he says maybe ive nmissed something but i dont think i have. i feel so crap

 

[harper]

hi vicki & lets
first THANKYOU for listening its a HUGE help
last time i went it was about a 6 month waiting list went to doctors on the way home yesterday as i was very upset saw the nurse and then my doctor he feels sure the therapy will help and i have to hang in there till then he has given me time off work which i asked for to get away from there boss doesnt understand and i just cant concentrate. it will be horrible when i go back but have to cross that bridge when i come to it.

That's a vicious circle of thought  - you can break out of it though. Look at the facts - S obviously likes you and so does C (although in a different way obviously ). So you know that at least 2 people in the world do like you. So, is there any reason why other people wouldn't like you?

no reason i suppose and to be honest there the only two people i need so noone else should matter,i know it must be really frustrating listening to me but my worse fear is C doesnt like me anymore and is going to tell me he cant see me anymore (i know you know what i mean )

Whilst it's true that some people say things and don't mean them, most people genuinely mean what they say. From what you've told us so far, I think C does mean what he says. What reason would he have for saying what he does if he didn't genuinely believe it and mean it? His body language in your photo certainly doesn't show someone who isn't bothered about you


i dont think i know the answer if i think about it he doesnt owe me anything so he would say exactly what he means? your right about the photo of course it means a lot to me but (i know i know) i still worry because that was taken before he moved practices and before i was such a pain so i just go back to thinking hed rather i just went away and he doesnt care about me at all i know  talking to me must feel like talking to yourself sometimes but i really do apreciate it!

I think you're reading too much into it. From what you've put, I'm pretty sure he meant it as in "Damn right you shouldn't be here [because I can't work out what it going on with the tooth - it's puzzling me and not quite what I expected]" The bit in brackets is the bit you don't hear because I'm 99% sure that's what he was thinking. It was probably one of those things that maybe didn't come out quite as he intended it to .

If he really didn't want you to be there, he wouldn't be taking it any further or trying to sort out your pain would he

do you really think that was what he was thinking? i just automatically thought he meant i shouldnt be here ( me as mandy the pain in the arse who i wish would go away and not come back)  someone who i dont want to name is now telling me to do as im told and stop being such a pain or hell tell me he cant treat me anymore which doesnt ease my worrying  THANKS FOR LISTENING i know i can be frustrating mandy x

 

[brit]

hi vicki & lets

do you really think that was what he was thinking? i just automatically thought he meant i shouldnt be here ( me as mandy the pain in the arse who i wish would go away and not come back)  someone who i dont want to name is now telling me to do as im told and stop being such a pain or hell tell me he cant treat me anymore which doesnt ease my worrying  THANKS FOR LISTENING i know i can be frustrating mandy x

I can only agree with the others - he probably is frustrated with the tooth - as I said on a previous post, you may have to let someone else look at it in order to get to the bottom of it. Hopefully the better x-ray machine at the old practice and the view of one of the others there, will clarify what needs to be done, if anything....maybe it just needs longer to settle down.  

Dentists seem to hate it when they can't solve things. When I went back last week to get my composite filling level topped up, she was noticably relieved I wasn't coming back complaining of any sensitivity problems. I had made it clear on my e-mail there was no pain/sensitivity but she actually said delightedly after double-checking with me 'so the restoration(filling) did work.' Unsaid was: 'Thank goodness for that, I can hardly send you back to that oral surgeon again so soon for another second opinion on the same tooth.'

I saw an oral surgeon just before Easter about the 'cloudy area on x-ray'(See dentistry questions) under the tooth in question, was in there 5 minutes tops and came away with no action required. So Mandy, if you do end up seeing a specialist,it doesn't mean they'll do anything and certainly not at the first appointment.
Good luck
Brit