need help

[so scared]

I am 40 years old and I am so ashamed to admit that I have not been to a dentist in over 20 years. I feel so angry with myself for letting myself get into this situation I now find myself in. all my teeth can not be saved that I know, and I know its all my fault which makes it even worse. The past year I have been really considering about trying to get help, I have emailed a few dentists that deal with nervous patients( that was a huge step for me just plucking up the courage to do this) I had 1 reply who said they are private practice but do take on nhs patients but are full at the moment. this was 6 months ago they wanted me to leave a contact number but I couldn't do that I just freaked out about actually having to talk to someone on the phone when the time came.i suffer badly with anxiety and depression which doesn't help at all. I so much want to get help but this scares me. I'm terrified of letting a professional look into my mouth and see what a mess I have made of my life this scares me to death let alone any treatment and procedures I'm going to face long term. I just don't feel like I have the strength to cope with all my emotions and how I am going to get help. I have tried CBT in the past but talking about it all made me worse and I had to stop half way through the course and that was down to the therapist not me. I feel I am never going to be able to get help. I want to smile, I haven't in such a long time, when I'm talking even to family members I get stressed out let alone talking to other people, my niece wanted me to have a selfie with her the other day and said smile and I couldn't and it made me feel so awful. she also loves snapchat and theres a open your mouth part and I shake everytime she has that app cos I'm scared shes going to ask me to which she does but I keep making my excuses and change the subject quickly . I want to be in a position when I can take selfies and make my niece happy but I feel that's never going to happen which makes me feel even worse about everything. any advice giving id be very greatful for .THANKYOU

 

[lauralou32]

Hi and welcome to a great site full of wonderful people! Let me tell you that you are not alone! Many of us here have experienced the same feelings about going to a dentist. I waited 24 yrs before I contacted a dentist. Why? Because of fear and shame!! I could not imagine anyone looking into my mouth and seeing what a mess my teeth were! I imagined the dentist would be disgusted and angry with me! I cried for years over this nonsense! Finally I made an appt. and went. The dentist and staff were nothing but kind to me. No shame, no judgement, just a will to help! Since then and it's only been a few months, I have a lower partial and a upper denture. And everything has worked out fine ! No more fear no more shame!!! I've learned that our minds play tricks on us and we tend to always think the worse, but if you face your fear head on it seems to minimize it. Also maybe your teeth can be saved I've read of others thinking the worse after not going for many yrs and they just needed deep cleaning and fillings. So I just wanted you to know that you can do this! It's not as bad as you think! I was a huge phobic and if I can do it anybody can. Keep pressing forward, you deserve a healthy beautiful smile. Please keep me posted on your progress and remember we are all rooting for you!!

 

[nervousgirl08]

I am 40 years old and I am so ashamed to admit that I have not been to a dentist in over 20 years. I feel so angry with myself for letting myself get into this situation I now find myself in. all my teeth can not be saved that I know, and I know its all my fault which makes it even worse. The past year I have been really considering about trying to get help, I have emailed a few dentists that deal with nervous patients( that was a huge step for me just plucking up the courage to do this) I had 1 reply who said they are private practice but do take on nhs patients but are full at the moment. this was 6 months ago they wanted me to leave a contact number but I couldn't do that I just freaked out about actually having to talk to someone on the phone when the time came.i suffer badly with anxiety and depression which doesn't help at all. I so much want to get help but this scares me. I'm terrified of letting a professional look into my mouth and see what a mess I have made of my life this scares me to death let alone any treatment and procedures I'm going to face long term. I just don't feel like I have the strength to cope with all my emotions and how I am going to get help. I have tried CBT in the past but talking about it all made me worse and I had to stop half way through the course and that was down to the therapist not me. I feel I am never going to be able to get help. I want to smile, I haven't in such a long time, when I'm talking even to family members I get stressed out let alone talking to other people, my niece wanted me to have a selfie with her the other day and said smile and I couldn't and it made me feel so awful. she also loves snapchat and theres a open your mouth part and I shake everytime she has that app cos I'm scared shes going to ask me to which she does but I keep making my excuses and change the subject quickly . I want to be in a position when I can take selfies and make my niece happy but I feel that's never going to happen which makes me feel even worse about everything. any advice giving id be very greatful for .THANKYOU

Hugssss It is really easy for us to beat ourselves up about what you coulda shoulda woulda done in the past. We can't change the past, we can only cope the best we can to make things better going forward. Do any of the dentists that help nervous patients allow you to meet them in their office first? That has been a help to me.

 

[Dr. Daniel]

Hi,

I am a dentist and when we dentists see teeth we look at it with a different perspective than non-dentist. We tend to look on specific dental aspects and what need to be done rather than labeling the patient.
There are some dentists who market themselves for anxious patients (so do I) but the truth is that there is no need for a "specialist" for dental anxiety. There are many nice dentists who will be willing to treat you according to your paste and needs.
I would suggest looking for a general practitioner, that will increase your chances to get an appointment sooner than 6months.