Scared of reaction

[LMS]

I have major dental care needed and am terrified of being judged and humiliated by dentists, which has happened in the past. Little background; my life had been a mess for a long time; bad life choices and all, taking care of my teeth was a natural thing from childhood, however, I did meth and destroyed my teeth over the years. By necessity only, I went to one or two dentists over the years, and had really bad experiences. I know I’ve not done what I needed to, I don’t need to be reminded or scolded. Now I am paying the price. I am missing many teeth, they have broken off or rotted, and a lot of the ones that are left are beginning to decay. I have severe social anxiety because I don’t want people to know how bad my teeth are; so I limit my friend circle and don’t let anyone get too close. I do have some good friends but they do not know about this anxiety of mine or the condition of my teeth. I realize I will have to go to the dentist eventually; in fact I need to go now. I have an infection that is not responding to the antibiotics I got from a friend. I’m not an uneducated loser, I know what I need to do, I just can’t bring myself to do it. My husband is worried about my health because I refuse to see other doctors because I don’t want to explain my past and feel judged. I know tooth infections can be deadly; I don’t want to die. I have to get over my fears and find a dentist who will help me and once that’s taken care of, I won’t be as anxious about everything else. I can pay for dental work, I just can’t bring myself to go. Can anyone provide some advice, support, suggestions?

 

[J_London]

Just go - I promise you’ll feel so much better once you do, even if there’s a lot of work to be done. Just by making that first step, you’re deciding that you’re in control and that alone can make a big difference in how you feel.

Me:

37 years old. Hadn’t ever seen a hygienist prior to a few weeks back. I had an enormous about of calculus built up. Literal decades. I hadn’t looked in a mirror for ten years. Thoughts about my mouth dominated me morning, noon and night and yet, like you, the fear and shame of exposing myself to someone paralysed me. It’s ruined the best years of my life. The reality we have to face eventually, though, is that pretending it’s not happening isn’t going to change anything. Not for the better, at least.

When I left my consultation, I wasn’t far off crying with relief. Not because I heard “everything’s fine”, but because I knew that day marked the worst my situation would ever be. Whatever treatments are ahead of me, I’m now in control and am working towards making things as good as I can. And the weight that took off me psychologically was ENORMOUS. I used to leave the room or change the subject if the word “teeth” was ever used. Or feel distraught every time someone online or whatever insulted or made a joke about anyone’s. I was hugely sensitive to the whole subject, but that’s just evaporated. I can even talk quite happily about my personal situation, whereas a couple of months back I’d have died before acknowledging it and inviting anyone to discuss it with me.

In short, be brave and make an appointment. You aren’t going to be judged. If you’re nervous, the dentist will very likely be extra careful to make you as comfortable as possible. That was my experience. I was almost crying during my consultation, and I think my dentist still thinks I’m a nervous wreck a couple of cleanings in. The truth is that I actually look forward to going now, even with a load of fillings and an extraction on the horizon

 

[kitkat]

Hi LMS,
Welcome to DFC! I don’t know how long it has been since you last saw a dentist but I think times are changing regarding compassionate care. I have found through my own research and reading reviews that addressing dental anxiety is becoming more common practice. I am in the process of switching dentists (mine just retired) and the new one I found actually includes questions about struggles with dental anxiety in his new patient intake forms. There is a dentist recommendation section on this page which may be helpful to look at but you could also look at online reviews of offices near you to get a feeling for how the office treats patients. You may be able to email a few offices you are interested in and make them aware of your history and your concerns and see what kind of replies you get and then you’ll know upfront if you want to walk through their door or not. Local community pages on fb are also helpful…people often ask for dentist recommendations on those and you can see who’s name comes up the most just by searching keyword dentist in the fb page.

 

[smirked]

I was in a very similar situation. My teeth with in an awful state and I didn't want to go and see the dentist for fear of judgement. I was ashamed and embarrassed by my teeth.

But you have to go. As I did.

Don't deny yourself the treatment you deserve. Remember that, despite your choices in life, the condition of your teeth - you still deserve to be happy. Having your teeth fixed will help towards your overall happiness and wellbeing.

The initial minutes of the visit are awful. I will admit that. Opening my mouth for the dentist to see my horrible teeth wasn't nice. But the feeling of relief when I left the dental office was immense.