suicidal thoughts

[jakesmith]

Have not been able to get ahold of the oral surgeons associated with my local hospitals. Additionally, a two week argument with my local PCP offices (which are also associated with my local hospitals) has ended in them telling me there are no oral surgeons associated with their hospitals, which is provably incorrect, there are a few dozen of them.

Whatever, the pain is subsiding, I'm not currently in an emergency, and I don't think there's anything else I can do at this point, for a while.

I have no clue what is safest for me medically, I just know I'm not going to push myself too hard. I don't want anyone to worry about me, I will be ok. I appreciate those here who have listened to me. I'll just be drawing and doing stuff that isn't stressful

 

[krlovesherkids777]

Sounds like you have done all you can for right now. You are doing really good with not getting straight answers about the surgeons and just taking the next step to do what you can. Baby steps

 

[Braces1973]

@jakesmith Glad to hear that your pain is subsiding. Continuing to pray for you and your family. I hope your mom is getting better!

 

[jakesmith]

Well the pain returned worse than before. So started using clove oil, and I think it's making it bearable for now. Was finally was able to get in contact with a member of the, seemingly well connected group of hospital associated oral surgeons through a direct line. He was very understanding on the initial call, 1000x more than anyone else ever, and said he'd try to find someone or at least advocate for me to a certain extent, so that's good. Reason he is unlikely to do it himself is he spends most his time in the army.

Thing is, there's a chance I'd even back out of GA, and a low chance of my insurance even approving it. But knowing some professional in my area cares has put a lot of my fears to rest. I just wanted to know someone who works near me even cared

This is really all so silly though, I used to enjoy the dentist as a kid.... Plus I'm gonna need dental treatment done at least 4-5 more times throughout my life at this pace, so I would prefer to just have a normal brain : ( All good though, I do live in an area with theoreotically good medical care. Also, my mom is recovering, but I learned my dad has what is basically a terminal condition, according to him : (

Will continue to just do relaxing stuff regardless of outcomes.

 

[jakesmith]

aaaand the hospital surgeon never contacted me back when he said he would.

Is this just gonna be the 21st person to drop my case. He was totally on board, wanted to get me in to a hospital procedure, never argued a bit, but seemed to lose interest after I mentioned what my insurance was (which is generally terrible for dental, and might not even cover this)

All coming back to dolla dolla bills yo. That's what American health care is.

i honestly dont really care to much whether i get ga or not, i just wanted a hospital setting due to dysautonomia. Also, my local hospitals are mostly non-profits which don't sue poor people, unlike the surgeons recommended by my PCP.

Still, it's really silly how much I'm obsessing over something I'd get over with in a day back without thought when I had no fears.

 

[krlovesherkids777]

jakesmith, I sure wish they didn't make this process so complicated for you, fear and anxiety is complicated enough. Hoping you get some kind of answer and your pain goes down.

 

[jakesmith]

tooth hurts, took tylonol
associated with giving my cat away today, psychological?

 

[jakesmith]

Well since giving away my pet a week ago I have brain fog, fatigue, sleepiness, and intermittent toothaches. It also usually hurts if I leave food in my mouth, so I'm usually forced to brush after each meal. Two more of my molars are slowly crumbling... for god knows what reason, all I had was a single cavity on an x-ray a year ago.

After seeing a picture of my former cat, I had a panic attack a few days ago that my teeth was affecting my heart rate so I got an EKG and it was normal, stethoscope also confirmed no heart murmur or rub etc. Vitals are all textbook normal at home.

I guess if I get swelling or my vitals get weird then I go to hospital for a longer stay and workup, but until then or if it never happens I do not find those places helpful. Antibiotics also make my skin peel, sometimes make swallowing difficult, and give me panic attacks for weeks on end due to interfering with my benzo dependency, so I don't really want to take any unless I absolutely need to. And again mental hospitals are a no go because they literally force cold turkey there, which would be devastating to my health. I think I also clearly have medical PTSD at this point. Also did I mention my parents are looking to take away my health insurance without intention to pay for anything? Not sure it'd make much difference as the insurance already wasn't paying for anything meaningful anyway.

But I'm feeling pretty hopeless tbh. Why can't I just be like Zappa or someone else with lifelong toothaches and just power through it intead of worrying about it.