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Thisismyjournal (thisisme)

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thisisme

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It’s officially official. Apparently there was some mixup and they thought I had an appointment today. I kinda wish I did just to get it over and done with. I double checked my email and it definitely said the 19th, so who knows. It’s funny because I thought about scheduling it today but felt like that was too soon for an online system. Haha.

Anyway, they called and I bravely answered. Felt a little bad about not being there but they sounded very nice. They actually won’t be at the office close to my home next Friday, so I scheduled it for June 26th at 9am. *gulp* Is this real life?

I really need to be upfront about my concerns, unlike how I was on the phone (calm and cool), haha. They are sending over online forms for me.

So on June 16, I have a redo filling (let’s hope it works this time!) and June 26, I have a braces consult. I’m so scared. 😭😬
 
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frostgirl

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Well done thisisme!

What a huge step that is. I've got my fingers crossed that your appointment on the 16th goes well, and that the braces consult goes well :)
 
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thisisme

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Me trying to put my fearful thoughts in a random question on the questionnaire... hahaha.

F2F5B1C8-5E82-409A-8080-A14C52792275.jpeg
 
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thisisme

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Another one of my concerns is that I’ll have to get my wisdom teeth removed, or at least the one peeking out. But I felt like, why jump the gun. It’s a consult. Just see what they have to say. Orthodontists are a ton of money. I’m estimating 10-12k for what I want and hope it’s not more, and if they could start treatment with the wisdom tooth there and monitor it, they may do that, so they can get their money. 😂
 
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frostgirl

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I think what you've wrote on the questionnaire is a very good response and it lets them know about your phobia and hopefully they'll be non judgemental and understanding after reading it.

Like you said, it's just a consult. I would try not to worry about if you need your wisdom teeth removed and wait to see what they say.
 
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thisisme

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I think what you've wrote on the questionnaire is a very good response and it lets them know about your phobia and hopefully they'll be non judgemental and understanding after reading it.

Like you said, it's just a consult. I would try not to worry about if you need your wisdom teeth removed and wait to see what they say.
Your support is much appreciated. The nice thing about having a consult is I don’t think as much about hating my teeth. I have a bit a hope. Like maybe this will work out and in two years, I love my smile and my life. I would be 34, which is getting older but still young enough to get married or have kids if I choose. All moments I would love to have a perfect smile for... or maybe my brother gets married. And my niece will be graduating preschool in two years! I already had one niece where I have been hiding my smile in all her pics, including her preschool graduation. How I would love to show the world how happy I am when I spend time with them. I would never stop taking pictures! Haha!

Nobody knows how much I hate my smile. They probably have an idea because I hate pictures and rarely smile, but I hate it so much. I think about how much I hate it all the time. I know it’s probably not the worst smile and maybe some people think it’s charming... but I don’t like it and that’s all that matters. My cousin had braces at 20 while I was busy being a phobic) and I always envied her (we had very similar teeth). I feel like we could be closer if I had straight teeth too. I wouldn’t hate her for being beautiful because I would feel beautiful too. I know that seems stupid and makes me sound like a horrible person but her smile is amazing and we do have similar features. If my smile could look as good as hers, I wouldn’t feel bad about myself while hanging out with her.

I think about going on trips with my best friend but get sick at the thought of taking pictures and would rather avoid trips and making memories. That has to end. You only live once!

I want to do this. I hope I can and I hope the consult goes well. I no longer want dental phobia to rule my life.
 
krlovesherkids777

krlovesherkids777

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This is definately a journey @thisisme but really believe dental phobia will definately no longer rule you.. You are ruling dental phobia! putting it in its place one day/one appt at a time!!
 
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thisisme

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I feel so foolish. I was “testing” the right side of my mouth. The one with the tooth with the issue and now another filings around it hurt too. I always had an inkling those fillings were contaminated. I had four at one time and I ate like an hour after it. I thought they settled immediately, and I was careful so I thought. Anyway, the one above the original tooth hurts to eat now. I hope I just irritated them and they feel better tomorrow. No more testing. I really wish they were all redone but how do I explain to my dentist that they all have the same issue? Haha. He’s refilling one on Tuesday. Hopefully, we start with that one and then, I’ll sneak one in at each appointment until they are all redone. 😂 I just really hope the one above it feels better because it hurts even worse than the one below it biting down now.
 
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thisisme

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I called the dentist on Monday and let them know all the teeth that were filled on the right side hurt. Calling is so hard. I was up at 5 a.m. with my stomach churning waiting for them to open at 10, but I did it.

I knew I sounded crazy but I didn’t want to live in agony and isn’t this the point of having a dentist? Anyway, today was supposed to be him redoing the filling, but I wanted to call and let them know what was going on, so I didn’t blindside him today with another problem.

Well, on the plus side, I didn’t get a filling today. After more testing, he really believes the fillings aren’t hitting right (more reasons to go through with that ortho consult and also to never need four fillings in one visit again? Haha). He adjusted a few of them. I’m not sure which ones. I bit on a stick on all the problem teeth before leaving and they felt okay. I swear if I start to eat again and they hurt, I’m going to be so angry. I’ll probably still avoid that side for a few days to be safe.

I did ask him if he thought I could have contaminated the fillings by eating an hour after it and he says it’s highly unlikely.

One thing I’m learning is I still have anxiety before dental appointments (and when calling them), but I’m oddly comfortable in the chair. I like my dentist, which is something I really thought I’d never say.
 
krlovesherkids777

krlovesherkids777

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"One thing I’m learning is I still have anxiety before dental appointments (and when calling them), but I’m oddly comfortable in the chair. I like my dentist, which is something I really thought I’d never say. "

:perfect::thumbsup!::thumbsup!: He sounds like he has a great chairside manner and reaally reassuring.

I hope that things settle
 
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thisisme

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Well, Friday is my orthodontist consultation. Not sure how I feel about that. I’m really scared, yes. New office? New smells? New people looking in my mouth, especially people who judge smiles for a living? I don’t want to see pictures of my teeth on big screens and someone talking about all the reasons they suck (I know they suck... that’s why I’m there.) I wonder how unreasonable of a request it would be to not see pictures. Models I can maybe handle but pictures of my own teeth? That one was one the big reasons I avoided the dentist for so long. I was so afraid they would make me look at them and I don’t want to see it. I know it’s bad but I never look at them. Not even when I brush my teeth. I’m too embarrassed and figure it’s everyone else’s problem when I talk to them. Haha. Now all of a sudden, people will be taking pictures of them? Ugggh.

But then there’s a part that’s a little excited. Like maybe, just maybe, I can have that smile I always wanted. It’s my biggest hold up in my life. I’ve mentioned this before and it’s super lame, but I want to audition for game shows. I think I have the video making expertise and personality to actually have a chance. I’m in my early 30s, and I still look young. I don’t want to hold myself back anymore.

Maybe they can take pictures and I don’t ever have to see them. They can do whatever they need to do. I know if I got braces, I’d probably have to look at them to clean them but at least by then, I am being proactive with straightening them and it won’t hurt me so much when I see them.
 
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thisisme

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"One thing I’m learning is I still have anxiety before dental appointments (and when calling them), but I’m oddly comfortable in the chair. I like my dentist, which is something I really thought I’d never say. "

:perfect::thumbsup!::thumbsup!: He sounds like he has a great chairside manner and reaally reassuring.

I hope that things settle
He does! It’s not even like we have really gotten to know each other and talk because he’s so busy and in and out, but he just walks into a room like “well hello there” in his quirky friendly manner and I’m instantly at ease.

And thanks! I have a feeling that bottom one is still going to have to be redone but the other ones feel great. I’m trying to give it some time because I’m eating cereal without issue on both sides and that’s kinda crunchy and I can hold the toothbrush on that side too. It just has happened once or twice when I was trying to make it happen, haha, so I wonder if it’s healing. I’m gonna just keep ignoring it and not touching it and see what happens and at least it seems like I can eat! Two weekends ago, it was miserable. I couldn’t even eat on my other side because it hurt when the teeth on the bad side touched. That is 100% better now, thankfully!
 
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thisisme

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I messaged someone on Twitter after I watched her braces video. She was 28 and avoided the dentist for a decade. She finally went back, got any cavities filled and got braces on. She also had high canines. She’s been wearing them a few months and her canines are completely down. She is so pretty and looks like she has so much more confidence now. She was pretty before but her confidence now is unmatched. Just wow! She has clear braces but man, she looks amazing wearing them. It’s been encouraging talking to her.

I’m so scared about my appointment Friday. I’m scared about telling people I have or I’m getting braces. I just don’t want people to say like, “why did you wait so long, you’re teeth are so bad!” I feel like I can handle sitting in that chair now but having people say stuff like that will kill me. I’m also scared I won’t be able to get them without wisdom teeth surgery. I know, one step at a time but it’s just easier to say that to people and not follow it myself. Haha.
 
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JaySee19

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I’ve just read your journal from beginning to end. When you started you hadn’t been to a dentist in years. Now you have healthy teeth and are going to get your smile fixed! That is amazing! Do you realize how far you’ve come!
Good luck for your consult on Friday. After that you’re one step closer to your dream.
 
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thisisme

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I’ve just read your journal from beginning to end. When you started you hadn’t been to a dentist in years. Now you have healthy teeth and are going to get your smile fixed! That is amazing! Do you realize how far you’ve come!
Good luck for your consult on Friday. After that you’re one step closer to your dream.
Oh wow! Thank you so much! That is one long read and mostly filled with me just ranting and being scared. 16-17 years without going to a dentist. Just being able to say the word now and not run away from dental discussions seems so crazy. But my story won’t be complete until I brave an ortho consult, get a go ahead for braces, and have them placed. It’s only then that I can’t stop thinking about my teeth all the time as I will be working on that perfect smile I’ve dreamed of for 13 years!

I wish people in the normal world understood. Dental phobia needs more awareness.
 
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JaySee19

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Oh wow! Thank you so much! That is one long read and mostly filled with me just ranting and being scared. 16-17 years without going to a dentist. Just being able to say the word now and not run away from dental discussions seems so crazy. But my story won’t be complete until I brave an ortho consult, get a go ahead for braces, and have them placed. It’s only then that I can’t stop thinking about my teeth all the time as I will be working on that perfect smile I’ve dreamed of for 13 years!

I wish people in the normal world understood. Dental phobia needs more awareness.
Having just started going back to the dentist myself after a very long time I’m browsing heavily on here, looking for inspiration and trying to work out how on earth I can get out of this cycle of fear, pain and then relief when I finally go.
How on earth do reasonably intelligent adults, successful at work, with great families and so much going for them get themselves in such a mess?
Why do we do this to ourselves? But those are my questions, not yours!
 
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thisisme

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Having just started going back to the dentist myself after a very long time I’m browsing heavily on here, looking for inspiration and trying to work out how on earth I can get out of this cycle of fear, pain and then relief when I finally go.
How on earth do reasonably intelligent adults, successful at work, with great families and so much going for them get themselves in such a mess?
Why do we do this to ourselves? But those are my questions, not yours!
Haha I’ll try to answer anyway! Everyone has their own reasons for avoidance. To me, dentists have always seemed archaic. Cold, sterile tools, weird chair, sharp things in your mouth. I couldn’t even look at offices when I drove past. Getting those images out of my head was the first step. I haven’t actually ever seen the tray at my new place and there’s no spit bowl. The chair is still the chair, haha, but it’s overall a better experience. I needed to get past seeing the dentist as so archaic and for the most part, I am. I see teeth as a body part now that I’m treating.

Finding a place that makes you comfortable is key. The more I call my dentist (and the ortho once), I’m finding that the receptionists are so nice and welcoming. I’ve always had bad experiences with reception at doctor’s office, so this is rather refreshing and almost makes me prefer dentists to doctors now! I’m not sure I mentioned this in the journal but I was scared of doctors as well, but I got sick in my late 20s and went to several doctors. None of the receptionists were anywhere near as nice as what I’ve seen from my dental offices.

I truly believe we don’t have any control over it. It doesn’t matter how smart you are or how important you know it is, physically making an appointment and getting into a positive dental cycle is hard. All you can do is try to work on it, which I can see that you’re doing by being on this forum. I hope you can break your cycle. I will have to find your posts and keep motivating you along the way! 🙂
 
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thisisme

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Tomorrow is a big day for me. It’s something I’ve been wanting for so long but also something that scares me. I never wanted to go back to the dentist. I always just wanted a straight smile and knew the dentist was a necessary evil. If allowed, I would have skipped the dentist all together and went to an orthodontist but that’s not how it works. So I’ve followed the steps, and here we are. I just don’t want to feel worse about my teeth after the consult. Having to look at them and see how bad they really are scares me. At least if I don’t look at them now, I can deny it. 😂
 
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JaySee19

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You’ll do great! You really want this and you’re making your dream come true.
I’m really looking forward to your report tomorrow!
 
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thisisme

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I got the dreaded appointment reminder call. I had a mini panic attack because the call came when in a drive thru with my sister. I just clicked on the voicemail and it started to play! I wasn’t ready to tell anyone yet. It said “Hi Amanda. This is.....” and I managed to quickly lower the car volume in the least suspicious way possible. She didn’t say anything so I think I got away with it. Telling my family scares me more than anything. I don’t know why.
 
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