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Thisismyjournal (thisisme)

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thisisme

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thisisme,

you have done a great job finding out what it is that's holding you back from getting braces and I appreciate that fears and worries are usually not the most logical kind of thoughts one can have, but reading this I just thought.. wow, what a pitty that this is what's holding her back!

First of all telling anyone that any parts of their body are not or haven't been beautiful is not really kind so my first thought was oh, that person in the video seems to have some really rude friends or maybe just is in spotlight so much that such comments came. It reminds me strongly on people commenting a new haircut saying whether they like it or not (and me wondering why should I give a damn about what THEY do think about MY hair) or even worse, people commenting on someone's clothes size. So while I acknowledge anyone commenting on your teeth would be upsetting, I also want to believe that people who comment would be more exceptions than a rule and it's still on the rather unkind spectrum of communication. Also I do not think you would have to announce it to anyone. You wouldn't announce you started to do sports or changed your diet or got a new shampoo, right? You just do it.. Btw. not sure which kind of braces are you gonna look at, but chances are your surroundings won't even notice.

Your feeling of "this is my teeth and they always have been like this" is absolutely right. They are YOUR teeth and YOU decide whatever YOU would like with them to happen. By the way, there is no such thing as good or bad teeth nor such thing as pretty or ugly teeth. Teeth are teeth and everybody has different teeth as we are all unique and beautiful in our own way. Healthy is the only attribute any teeth should have and you can give yourself a pat on the back for having gotten there. Anything else is optional and as with any other part of your body - if you don't like it, you are free to change it.. or not.

By the way a braces consult is what it is - a consult. There will still be a plenty of time to decide not to do it so may I encourage you to schedule a consult if you feel you are curious about braces? :)
Enarete, this is beautiful and made me teary-eyed in a good way.Your response is the exact reason I come to this forum for support. I have never told anyone else this stuff.

In a perfect world, I’d like lingual on the top and clear on the bottom if it’s an option for me. I found a place I think does both and actually drafted an email to them because of you. I haven’t sent it. I think I’ll do it after the holidays. It just talks a bit of my background, says I’m looking for a judge free and gentle place, and asks about lingual. I’ll probably tweak the email 300 more times before sending. 😂

You are an amazing person and makes me feel like I can do this one day because it’s what I want and no other reason. Thank you so much!
 
Enarete

Enarete

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Thank you for your kind words. I will celebrate once you get your braces! :sleepyjuice:

Glad you have your email draft ready! :claps: I remember my first emails to my new dentist. Needed one week to write it and would spend hours to change it and re-write it every day until it was ok.. oh and then about one week to be able to hit that send button! E-Mails to dentists are huge. It's ok to check it 300 or 3000 times until you feel happy with it :)
 
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thisisme

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Family holiday parties are coming up, and there’s two family members obsessed with pictures. I understand trying to capture the moment (and truthfully, I probably only feel this way because I don’t like my smile), but I cannot stand the forced selfies. I don’t know why people think it’s okay to force selfies on other people. A picture is one thing. A selfie? Or is it a usie/wefie? I really don’t want to see my face up that close, and especially not my smile. Pictures bother me too because I’m okay with 1-2, but then, I just continuously grow more uncomfortable.

And sometimes I do smile with teeth... just because I feel like people are counting the amount of pictures I smile close mouth vs. open. (I know, I’m crazy). Plus, I typically know what lighting makes my teeth look best, so I can usually get away with one or two.

Another crazy thing I noticed is that men in my family (who actually have much straighter teeth than myself) always smile close mouth. I wonder do they feel self conscious or is it just how they like to take pictures? Is it a woman thing that I feel like I need to show my teeth or people will think I’m depressed? Why do I feel like the men I know don’t think about this at all? Why am I dreading a holiday party because I know there will be cameras?!

Last year at this time, I had not yet faced my dental phobia. Facing it wasn’t even on my mind in the New Year, so it gives me hope that next year at this time, I will be on my braces journey. I am trying not to be hard on myself. I try to be a good person. Teeth are just one tiny little part of me, but it’s so mentally consuming. I have not not thought about my teeth every day for at least the last 15 years.

I might have mentioned this before, but I hid a physical illness from my family for a year. It was this huge secret of mine. I only told them because the illness got the best of me and I could no longer do it on my own. I don’t know why I keep things from them. I don’t know why I can’t be like “hey mom, I think I’m going to get braces in the new year.” The thought of even telling anyone in my family makes me so anxious. I would almost prefer to get them and then, casually over text let them know. And every single one of them would wonder what made me do it... especially now. They don’t know it’s been eating away at my every day of my life. I feel like with anyone else who asks, I could say I had other things in my life I needed to do: go to grad school, buy my own place, build up savings, etc. But with family? I don’t even know. I’d have to admit I wanted them forever but was too afraid, and I don’t want to admit that.

Anyway, just a Monday night ramble. Wish me luck with all those holiday pictures. 🥺
 
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ReginaPhalange

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You're not crazy at all, and you're not alone, I hate selfies too, and do the trying not to have my mouth closed in every photo thing, but having one side open is probably worse, but that's what I end up doing!

I get the not saying anything part too (I'm like that with anything that is out of the ordinary from me and probably let it hold me back from too much).

Hope you get on ok with the photos and can genuinely smile with happiness at having come so far in your journey. I try to remind myself that when I see photos of others smiling, it's not their imperfect teeth that I notice most, but the joy coming from them 😁
 
T

thisisme

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You're not crazy at all, and you're not alone, I hate selfies too, and do the trying not to have my mouth closed in every photo thing, but having one side open is probably worse, but that's what I end up doing!

I get the not saying anything part too (I'm like that with anything that is out of the ordinary from me and probably let it hold me back from too much).

Hope you get on ok with the photos and can genuinely smile with happiness at having come so far in your journey. I try to remind myself that when I see photos of others smiling, it's not their imperfect teeth that I notice most, but the joy coming from them 😁
I love that we are so much alike. It makes me feel less alone. The half smile is the worst! I’ve been there. You’re uncomfortable because you want to smile but then remember you don’t like your smile, but it’s too late. 🤣

I did most mouth closed. 1-2 with a smile if it was taken from a distance with a flash. There weren’t too many thankfully (enough but not overkill) and I actually think I take semi cute pictures with a closed mouth. I don’t know why but there’s an innocence and cuteness to it. Like a smirk. Haha.

If anything, it’s motivation to look at and email orthodontists. I know I can do it and I know it’ll be worth it. All the videos I watch and blogs I read about adults with braces says it is so worth it and the only thing they regret is not doing it sooner!

We had really nice weather for winter, so there were a good few hours where we were playing in the backyard with a Christmas toy (we’re 20s and 30s... okay some 40s too... no judging, haha) and I just felt so happy. Like teeth aren’t everything and I can enjoy things without straight teeth.

I did have a really great Christmas overall. I hope you did too! I leave for a short trip tomorrow, so I’m sure...more pictures. The good news is my family doesn’t go crazy with them and my sister won’t be there to zoom in on every picture and demand it be taken 20 times. 😂

I hope next year at this time, I’m well on my way to a straight smile. I know it depends on the individual but you can see vast differences in just a few months. Ughhhh. I want that so bad.

I know if I got them, my sister will say “now you’re going to be way prettier than me” as if I’m doing it to make her feel less pretty. Her teeth aren’t straight but I think they’re better than mine. I’m very jealous both of my siblings have straighter teeth, but hey, I have the means to get a perfect smile. I just need the courage.

I’ve tweaked the email some more! Looking to email two places on Monday when I return. 😬 One is 7 miles and one is 3. The game plan is to not tell anyone until I do a consult and decide on a game plan.

I hope everyone had a fabulous Christmas (if you celebrate it!). And Happy New Year! 😀
 
krlovesherkids777

krlovesherkids777

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So glad you had a great Christmas Thisisme.. I can't wait to see where this new year brings you in your journey!! You are surely an inspiration!!
 
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thisisme

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I am pretty set on sending the email when I return from my trip. I know... like anything... you just get used to it. I subjected myself to 2 years of graduate school, which I’m sure is just as costly and annoying as braces.

Of course, I just remembered that I may have a nickel allergy (or at the very least sensitivity), which seems like another barrier. I’m not ready to go to a dermatologist to confirm, but I remember as a kid, I got my ears pierced. Eventually, my ears got so swollen and infected, and I was told to only buy nickel free earrings. That seemed to fix the issue, but I was frustrated by not being able to wear the “cool” earrings that I let them close up. I wear necklaces sometimes, but I’m not really a jewerly person, so I have no clue if the chains contain nickel or not. Maybe I can do my own test, haha.

Still not sure how I would tell people (or hide it from people), but I think it’s one of those things I have to do one step at a time. Like, just start with a consult and go from there. I think I can take it in baby stages. Kind of like my whole dental experience. I started with the cracked molar and went from there. Now, that’s been fixed, 6 more fillings and an extraction later, and here we are. There was also the telling my family part, which was also huge for me.

Just one step at a time. (Why is that such much easier in my head?!)
 
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thisisme

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I’ve made no progress on my braces journey. I think about, tweak the email, think about it again and so on. I hate the thought of having them take pictures of my teeth during a consult and gosh, me having to look at them? Then if I make it past that, there may be extractions or other work needed before I even got them. So, my only progress has been worrying.

I was at my friends the other night and her five year old was brushing her teeth. She was being a typical five year old and doing a poor job and dragging her feet about it. My friend started to yell at her telling her that if she doesn’t do it right, she’s going to get cavities and proceed to go into details. “You know what they do when you get cavities? They give you a shot in the mouth and they drill!” I love my friend but anyone who has never experienced dental phobia doesn’t understand how traumatizing that can be. I didn’t say anything, as I’m not open about my dental phobia but who does that?! That is what makes people afraid of the dentist. Why make cavities out as such a painful experience? If she gets a cavity in a few years... she’s going to be terrified. Ugh. I love my friend but that made me sad. Different life experiences, I guess.

Well, I hope to have a braces update soon. Somebody new started at work who’s older than me and is wearing clear braces. That was really encouraging and you really can’t even tell he has them unless you’re sitting next to him. It definitely made me less afraid of their appearance and him being in a high level role and wearing them helped to.

I’ll get there. In the meantime, I’ve been rekindling an old friendship. I need more female friends in my life. I get so down about myself and am surrounded by guys day in and out. Hopefully, just building up other areas of my life helps me become stronger and more fulfilled.
 
krlovesherkids777

krlovesherkids777

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Thisisme,

It sounds like you are really doing some good self care recognizing your needs and trying to rekindle friendships with females :) and getting ready mentally and really physically for the braces chapter.. One of my best friends almost got done wtih Invisilign, not braces but she is nearly 52 and did it for herself . :) You may not have sent the email yet... but you have started and tweaked it :)
 
T

thisisme

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Thisisme,

It sounds like you are really doing some good self care recognizing your needs and trying to rekindle friendships with females :) and getting ready mentally and really physically for the braces chapter.. One of my best friends almost got done wtih Invisilign, not braces but she is nearly 52 and did it for herself . :) You may not have sent the email yet... but you have started and tweaked it :)
52! That is great! One of my coworkers had Invisalign and there is a lisp and sometimes rubber bands most people have to deal with it, but I swear everyone has so much more confidence than me. She is just rocking it. I really want to get there but it is so hard getting past them taking all those pictures at a consult and making me look at them. That is probably my largest fear right now is being forced to look at how horrible they are. 😭 I tweaked the email and this is what I want to send. There’s a thank you at the end but it didn’t fit in the screenshot. Does anyone have any thoughts?
 

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frostgirl

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thisisme, that's a really good message, I think its clear and coherent and I would send it. I think it explains your situation quite well.

:XXLhug:
 
kitkat

kitkat

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I second frostgirl. I think it clearly states what your needs are without providing too much information. I would send it.
 
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FrozenFear

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I agree, it’s straight forward and to the point and it explains everything you need them to know in order for them to understand your needs. I would send also.
 
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Scared all the time

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I’ve made no progress on my braces journey. I think about, tweak the email, think about it again and so on. I hate the thought of having them take pictures of my teeth during a consult and gosh, me having to look at them? Then if I make it past that, there may be extractions or other work needed before I even got them. So, my only progress has been worrying.

I was at my friends the other night and her five year old was brushing her teeth. She was being a typical five year old and doing a poor job and dragging her feet about it. My friend started to yell at her telling her that if she doesn’t do it right, she’s going to get cavities and proceed to go into details. “You know what they do when you get cavities? They give you a shot in the mouth and they drill!” I love my friend but anyone who has never experienced dental phobia doesn’t understand how traumatizing that can be. I didn’t say anything, as I’m not open about my dental phobia but who does that?! That is what makes people afraid of the dentist. Why make cavities out as such a painful experience? If she gets a cavity in a few years... she’s going to be terrified. Ugh. I love my friend but that made me sad. Different life experiences, I guess.

Well, I hope to have a braces update soon. Somebody new started at work who’s older than me and is wearing clear braces. That was really encouraging and you really can’t even tell he has them unless you’re sitting next to him. It definitely made me less afraid of their appearance and him being in a high level role and wearing them helped to.

I’ll get there. In the meantime, I’ve been rekindling an old friendship. I need more female friends in my life. I get so down about myself and am surrounded by guys day in and out. Hopefully, just building up other areas of my life helps me become stronger and more fulfilled.
Sounds like I could have written this! im no closer to braces either same phobic reasons as you and now a new one 🙁 I’m also around more men then women with no women friends. It’s tough and I get down too, feel lost and alone and yes unfulfilled too. I hope things are going better for you in your journey 🤗
 
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thisisme

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Thank you everyone! If I get a moment of courage, I’m going to send that to two orthodontists in my area tonight. It’ll be a competition of who replies nicer. Haha.

Sounds like I could have written this! im no closer to braces either same phobic reasons as you and now a new one 🙁 I’m also around more men then women with no women friends. It’s tough and I get down too, feel lost and alone and yes unfulfilled too. I hope things are going better for you in your journey 🤗
Hugs to you Scared all the time. 🤗 What is your new reason holding you back? Whatever it is, I know you’ll conquer it in time.

I have one female friend, and she’s been battling cancer for a year. I have not told her any of this but her friendship is so important to me.

Being around all men is more challenging than I ever would have thought. I totally get it. I feel like I’m constantly getting picked on. And the thing is, I’m tough. I don’t play the girl card. I dish it back (when I can). Sometimes, I can’t though. Somedays, I feel bad about myself and the comments just make me feel worse. I don’t want to generalize about men. Just from my experiences, some are very temperamental and sarcastic. They don’t know when to stop and don’t pick up on the emotions of others. Not a single one of them has ever asked “how are you?” and one (of course this is the one that sits two feet from me) doesn’t acknowledge my existence anymore... as if I have done something horrible to him. It all just makes me feel so awful about myself, so hating my teeth on top of it is a lot. I just want to be around more woman who I can relate to, and together, we can help each other feel good about ourselves.

A few weeks ago, my 2-year-old niece put a clip in my hair. I asked “how do I look?” And she said “beautiful!” And that’s what we all need a little more of in our lives. 🥰

I hope we both succeed on our journey...

“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”
 
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Scared all the time

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Thank you everyone! If I get a moment of courage, I’m going to send that to two orthodontists in my area tonight. It’ll be a competition of who replies nicer. Haha.



Hugs to you Scared all the time. 🤗 What is your new reason holding you back? Whatever it is, I know you’ll conquer it in time.

I have one female friend, and she’s been battling cancer for a year. I have not told her any of this but her friendship is so important to me.

Being around all men is more challenging than I ever would have thought. I totally get it. I feel like I’m constantly getting picked on. And the thing is, I’m tough. I don’t play the girl card. I dish it back (when I can). Sometimes, I can’t though. Somedays, I feel bad about myself and the comments just make me feel worse. I don’t want to generalize about men. Just from my experiences, some are very temperamental and sarcastic. They don’t know when to stop and don’t pick up on the emotions of others. Not a single one of them has ever asked “how are you?” and one (of course this is the one that sits two feet from me) doesn’t acknowledge my existence anymore... as if I have done something horrible to him. It all just makes me feel so awful about myself, so hating my teeth on top of it is a lot. I just want to be around more woman who I can relate to, and together, we can help each other feel good about ourselves.

A few weeks ago, my 2-year-old niece put a clip in my hair. I asked “how do I look?” And she said “beautiful!” And that’s what we all need a little more of in our lives. 🥰

I hope we both succeed on our journey...

“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”
Well the guess the main reason is i make bad choices, another is I can’t get any two dentist to agree. Ortho say yes and implant, Endidontics this say no implant maybe braces, periodontist says only if I’m doing for cosmetic purposes ( which I’m not really more concerned with any tooth loss if it don’t) my regular dentist says she won’t try and move the front bottom tooth ( gave no reason why) then last year after she removed an infected molar she say no implant no concern for shifting etc it’s fine now she’s saying she’s concerned about shifting etc who does one believe?
 
krlovesherkids777

krlovesherkids777

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@thisisme

I agree with the others!! This is a great letter! and I also believe the right office will respond in a really kind way! I hope one of the clinics gets back in a really compassionate way and wants to help give come answers.. I know that pushing that SEND button is the hardest.. :) but you got this!! :cheer2:
 
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thisisme

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Well the guess the main reason is i make bad choices, another is I can’t get any two dentist to agree. Ortho say yes and implant, Endidontics this say no implant maybe braces, periodontist says only if I’m doing for cosmetic purposes ( which I’m not really more concerned with any tooth loss if it don’t) my regular dentist says she won’t try and move the front bottom tooth ( gave no reason why) then last year after she removed an infected molar she say no implant no concern for shifting etc it’s fine now she’s saying she’s concerned about shifting etc who does one believe?
Conflicting opinions are tough. I know the last thing you want to do is see another office, but I’m not sure what to make out of your dentist’s response, and I feel like a general dentist would be the best to answer. An ortho is probably almost always going to say yes, especially if you never had them, and I wouldn’t think an endo or a periodontist would be the best to answer. Whatever you decide, it will work out. It just takes time and a lot of frustration.

I strictly want mine for cosmetics reasons. I know my bite is bad as well but I don’t care about that as much. I hope I can do it.
 
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Scared all the time

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Conflicting opinions are tough. I know the last thing you want to do is see another office, but I’m not sure what to make out of your dentist’s response, and I feel like a general dentist would be the best to answer. An ortho is probably almost always going to say yes, especially if you never had them, and I wouldn’t think an endo or a periodontist would be the best to answer. Whatever you decide, it will work out. It just takes time and a lot of frustration.

I strictly want mine for cosmetics reasons. I know my bite is bad as well but I don’t care about that as much. I hope I can do it.
I know you can ❤ your stronger then you think
 
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