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Trigger warning - trust issues with dentists

  • Thread starter Featherblade2007
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Featherblade2007

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Joined
Feb 18, 2022
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England
I guess I’m looking for support and perhaps others facing the same challenges? (Although I am not ready to hear the specifics of other dental stories so I’d be super grateful if you could avoid posting detailed clinical stories here). For anyone worried about dentistry, please skip over this story as I wouldn’t want to imply that this will happen to everyone. My story is that I received periodontal treatment last year (huge deal for me) and one area did not respond to treatment. This led to a recommendation of a root canal which totally freaked me out due to certain negative dental experiences in the past that I won’t describe. Cue different opinions (second/third/fourth endodontists and periodontists) before finally consenting to treatment. Problem is, the treatment is not going to plan. (Not the first time this has happened to me). The endodontist appears not to have given up hope (yet) but I simply know my own body and mind and the treatment is simply not working. In fact, there is evidence of an infection still present and the endodontist admitted that the situation is ‘unexpected’. I’m starting to realise that my fear of dentists is based on lack of trust. It’s not pain, or needles, or sitting in the chair (not belittling those things at all – just not my experience). I fear being left in a worse condition post treatment than before it. Therefore sedation is of little assistance to me. I have reached out to the practice to explain that I have lost my confidence and asked for my options in the circumstances (hoping a conversation will help) but the whole experience of visiting (multiple) dentists has left me feeling quite bitter and hopeless. I’m in a real pickle this time because I am part way through treatment with a temporary filling in my mouth. Most of the dentists have been friendly enough but the outcomes have been questionable (based on my lived experience dealing with my mouth) with countless referrals, pontificating, X-rays, CT scans and more information than I can effectively process without having a meltdown. I feel like a total failure having tried so hard to get on top of my dental health. I hear of so many stories of people overcoming their fear of dentists by picking up the phone and making that first appointment but my fears are actually worsening with each dental interaction. I’m so desperate to be a success story but then things go wrong and I turn into even more of a mess! I have some CBT scheduled tomorrow to try and reframe my thinking but part of me feels like this would just be gaslighting myself in circumstances where the dentistry objectively keeps going wrong and making my life worse. Has anyone else felt trust issues this severe and managed to turn things around? I’m not even sure it is about finding the right dentist as I have honestly seen around 10, including top specialists with great online reviews. If anyone has any words of support, I’d love to hear them. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. My home care has improved massively (as noted in multiple reports) but my mouth feels more uncomfortable than when I was blissfully coasting through life, unaware of all my issues!
 
Hi @Featherblade2007, so sorry to hear that things haven't been working out for you :cry: . It sounds as if you're doing all the right things, both in terms of home care and in terms of seeking out specialists for help. The thing is, when it comes to the human body, things can be unpredictable. As @Niall Neeson said in one his posts, "At the end of the day, when working with teeth and the human body, nothing is guaranteed. We are essentially working on probability and weighing up the risks and benefits."

That about sums it up. In some situations, diagnoses in dentistry are more like an informed best guess rather than clear-cut knowledge. I suppose the same goes for many other fields of medicine. Of course, that doesn't make things any better for anyone who has been at the receiving end of an inaccurate diagnosis and treatments not working out, and the trust issue is very real.

For me personally, what is important when it comes to trust is that I genuinely believe that the care provider (be that a dentist or a doctor) has my best interests at heart and does their utmost to provide the care that they would like to receive themselves, if it was them or somebody close to them.

So maybe the question is - what would you need to know from (or about) a dentist to be able to trust them? I don't know if maybe the interactions you had were flawed in some other way, rather than "just" a worse-than-expected outcome. Sometimes if we get the feeling that we are not heard, or taken seriously, or that we are just another client rather than an individual, it can make it hard to trust.

Also wondering if there have been any aspects of your treatment that were positive? You mentioned that one area of your mouth did not respond to perio treatment, but maybe some other areas did?

You're most definitely not a failure, you've come such a long way and you've done so well 🤗
 
Hi there

Thank you so very much for replying. You’re totally right - outcomes in dentistry are really unpredictable - which is definitely one of the reasons that I’m feeling upset and frightened at the moment. Of course - not the fault of the individual dentists - but a factor contributing to my current woes nevertheless.

You ask a good question about what would build that trust. I think it would be so helpful to find a dentist that openly said she/he truly cared about my situation and wanted to work through the problems I have with me until I was happy, or if things fail, that there is a plan and it will be OK in the end. In other words, a feeling that there is a plan, even if things don’t go to plan, and that I will be supported along the way. Instead I have been passed between professionals (including specialists) and nobody is really responsible for my overall care. So when something goes wrong, I’m just passed on to the next person (or nowhere?), at which point, I resume searching for the next person if I can’t tolerate the last. Whilst this endontist was friendly enough, I definitely think there have been aspects of the process that have made me feel not properly listened to and understood. So things are unravelling, but I don’t really have that reassurance in place.

It’s true that some things have improved for me on paper. My pockets have reduced to a healthy 1-2mm (except by the pesky abscessed tooth) and I found a wonderful hygienist in the process. Unfortunately I don’t have the courage to visit her either at the moment because I’ve taken such a step back in confidence. The trade off for those improvements has been significantly worse mental health (obsessing about oral health/teeth) and some complications from dentistry that remain unresolved, the latest one playing out at the moment. If I’m totally honest, I don’t think that the ‘wins’ have been worth it, but I’m on this dental road now so can’t really live in denial now I know there are problems.

I’d love to find a dentist that can build that trust (where are these gems)?? I’ve spent quite a lot of time researching anxious friendly practices but many practitioners focus on sedation/getting people through the treatment itself which isn’t my primary fear.

Anyway thank you so much for listening and providing such a thoughtful comment. I am hugely appreciative and it makes me feel much less alone with this.
 
Hi again

It’s true that some things have improved for me on paper. My pockets have reduced to a healthy 1-2mm (except by the pesky abscessed tooth) and I found a wonderful hygienist in the process.

By anyone's standards, that is an amazingly good result, so you really have got on top of your dental health 👍! Clearly, whatever you're doing now is working really well and will keep you in good stead (even if it doesn't feel that way right now).

The downside of course is that in order to motivate yourself to stick to a new regime, you need to become quite obsessive about dental care and spend a lot of extra time each day on a somewhat unpleasant task. That takes a lot of motivation, and in my experience, I tend to remind myself of the negative consequences of not doing what's required, rather than the positive consequences. All that negativity and worry about bad outcomes isn't good for one's mental health, of course...

I have no idea how to get rid of the negativity and worry. In a way, they might even be a necessary component of motivating yourself into action. But hopefully, over time (months or years, rather than weeks), as the new regime becomes routine and the positive outcomes persist, the anxiety/obsessing might drop? That's the hope, anyway :). Getting back in with the nice hygienist might also help with alleviating those worries and getting some much needed reassurance.

I agree that it can be really difficult to find those dentist gems, and it's often down to sheer luck. I suppose most dentists mean well but with having to see so many people each day, it's difficult to get personally invested in each of them. Keeping my fingers crossed for you that you will find that gem though xx
 
You ask a good question about what would build that trust. I think it would be so helpful to find a dentist that openly said she/he truly cared about my situation and wanted to work through the problems I have with me until I was happy, or if things fail, that there is a plan and it will be OK in the end. In other words, a feeling that there is a plan, even if things don’t go to plan, and that I will be supported along the way. Instead I have been passed between professionals (including specialists) and nobody is really responsible for my overall care. So when something goes wrong, I’m just passed on to the next person (or nowhere?), at which point, I resume searching for the next person if I can’t tolerate the last. Whilst this endontist was friendly enough, I definitely think there have been aspects of the process that have made me feel not properly listened to and understood. So things are unravelling, but I don’t really have that reassurance in place.

Hey Featherblade2007,

@letsconnect already asked some great questions and I don't have much to add. Reading this bit it seems to me that you find it important to work with ONE professional who is responsible and also to have a good discussion about any procedure, potential risks and most importantly about having a plan b before you even start. That sounds pretty reasonable to me. Reading about the many second opinions, I was thinking how confusing it must have been to deal with all these different people getting said different things every time.

I so hear you on CBT.. I like the desensitization but anything that goes direction "correcting" thoughts is pretty challenging to accept to me, particularly when it comes to bad dental experience.

Have you seen our recommendation section in the forum here?

All the best wishes
 
Thank you both! ☺️

I’ve booked in with the hygienist as I’m hoping a positive experience with her will help put me back on track a bit.

Yesterday was a bad day (cue lots of crying and overwhelm), brought on by feeling like the current practice is losing interest in me. I reached out by email last week to say that I had lost some of my confidence and felt worried that I was half way through treatment and the response was that I don’t need to get the tooth finished within any particular timeframe so just leave it until I’m ready (?!) I suspect that is OK clinically for a few weeks but obviously I can’t leave this temp filling in for years! This was a practice that knew of my phobia when I rang originally. 😔 I was hoping for a strategy to get me through this appointment and beyond but they don’t seem at all concerned that I’m mid treatment. I’m going to have to call them again today because it’s not satisfactory leaving this unfinished but I don’t have a huge amount of courage at this present moment to call yet again. I expect I *am* a pain in the behind because I ask lots of questions and tend not to deal very well with situations like these (I will cry down the phone if I hear bad news or search for answers) so I’m trying to bear in mind that these people aren’t deliberately trying to hurt me and dentistry is just a business like any other. It feels like I’m being ‘abandoned’ when things go wrong and there is no plan but actually, I am just another customer - it isn’t personal.

I have seen the recommendations section and perhaps I’ll have a browse when I’m in a better frame of mind. Thank you. First hand positive accounts are always useful. I did email one practice that another poster recommended on here and they completely ghosted me 😅 I’m not sure why but will have to give them the benefit of the doubt that my email got lost somewhere. Gotta laugh else I’ll cry (again)!
 
@Featherblade2007 just to help me understand better, has the actual root canal treatment been finished, apart from the permanent crown? I wasn’t quite sure from your post!

Yes, I’ve seen it happen numerous times that emails somehow got lost in the system, so the “ghosting” may just be a technical issue (or human error) :)
 
@letsconnect I’m mid way through treatment. I signed up to two appointments but two became three (which I subsequently read is not hugely uncommon). So I’ve had two out of the three but because I thought no2 would be the end and it wasn’t (finding out on the day), and then got told things aren’t as ‘expected’ (but only over the phone, so I’m not really sure), I’ve really lost my nerve. I wish I had known what to expect from the outset, which they did apologise about, but don’t have a plan for my increased anxiety now. I won’t be having a crown at the next appointment as it’s a front tooth & a permanent filling has been deemed sufficient. I think this approach is OK and has been backed up by my periodontist. However, I don’t want the area permanently filled with an infection still present and I haven’t been reassured on this front. I feel they are being vague. And now I’ve just been told to wait until I’m ready to have the permanent filling, which is strange to me as my anxiety won’t just go away in a couple of weeks. It isn’t really a question of me not feeling ready- it’s me not feeling reassured- and that won’t be solved by delaying.

Yeah I’m pretty sure the email just got lost in the system somewhere. That bit was just said in jest 🙂 Sorry if that wasn’t clear!
 
LOL no worries!
I didn't realise it was a front tooth, that explains about the permanent filling rather than crown. I suppose there's no point in doing the permanent filling until you're happy that the RCT has been successful (still unsure as to whether the actual RCT i.e. cleaning of the canals has been completed, and if it's just the permanent filling now, or whether your endo wants to finish the cleaning out?). It can take a bit of time for the residual infection to clear up totally after root canal treatment... Maybe you could email your endo and let her know about your concern about having the area permanently filled with an infection still present. See what she says. It's often easier to have something in writing, rather than just verbally, to try and make sense of it.

I expect I *am* a pain in the behind because I ask lots of questions and tend not to deal very well with situations like these (I will cry down the phone if I hear bad news or search for answers)

Asking lots of questions and taking an active interest in your care can only be a good thing. I would think that most dentists (those who are enthusiastic about their work, anyway) would agree with this! And it's also perfectly normal to cry down the phone if you're at your wits end or when confronted with bad news. That doesn't make you "a pain" - only human.


I reached out by email last week to say that I had lost some of my confidence and felt worried that I was half way through treatment and the response was that I don’t need to get the tooth finished within any particular timeframe so just leave it until I’m ready (?!) I suspect that is OK clinically for a few weeks but obviously I can’t leave this temp filling in for years! This was a practice that knew of my phobia when I rang originally. 😔 I was hoping for a strategy to get me through this appointment and beyond but they don’t seem at all concerned that I’m mid treatment.

Was it the practice staff who answered, or the dentist herself? I suspect if it's the staff, they might not totally be aware of what's going on 🤷‍♀️?


I’ve booked in with the hygienist as I’m hoping a positive experience with her will help put me back on track a bit.

I missed that bit earlier - that's brilliant news, well done :thumbsup!: !!
 
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Thanks so much for engaging with all this!

Part of the problem is that I didn’t have a clear answer to the whole “filling the tooth regardless” question. She’s cleaned the tooth so the next appointment is definitely the last in her mind, even if things aren’t looking great. I asked the question in person and she said “we’ll probably have to just finish it next time, but we tried”. 🤔 When I said I was worried about the infection remaining she said “I understand” but didn’t follow up by saying what the answer was to this or what the implications of her proposal to fill the tooth regardless were. I’ve since spoken to her on the phone but she’s very vague, leading me to believe she is at the end of her expertise here (perhaps I’m wrong about this but she isn’t filling me with confidence). I didn’t receive a written response to my email but the reception team has just emailed me to schedule the “last appointment” so I have responded by asking for clarification on the point again. If she wants to fill a tooth with an infection then I think I need to know either way because it forms the basis of informed consent in my view (I didn’t put that bit in the email though).

It’s hugely disappointing because I’m only using an endontist for their expertise. She’s told me several times that I need to “have faith” but also said that she probably set my expectations too high to begin with and is sorry about that (!) But I don’t know what that means in practical terms and feels like mixed messages…
 
So a bit of an update. The endontist called me at the end of the day and it was a surprisingly OK chat. She assured me that she wouldn’t fill the tooth until it was ready so I don’t need to worry about that. I’m glad she took the time to call me directly- it really helped. So I think my job is to stop stressing until my next appointment and try to stay positive. Just goes to show how these soft skills make a huge difference! I think I may have judged her too harshly in my earlier posts actually. Fingers crossed for a good final appointment! 🤞
 
That’s wonderful news - great to hear that she took the time address your concerns! Having a chance to get answers to your questions makes such a big difference. Wishing you all the best for your appointment - good luck 🍀!!
 
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