Call or Email or just go back to being in Denial?

[kcmoguy]

Re: I just emailed a dentist

I had my 1st appt. last week and it was much less stressful than I was making it. It started with a consult in a private room where the dentist asked me questions about why I was there, what my fears where, past experiences etc.

After that we went to an exam chair where they took xrays which again were super simple and over in less than 5 mins. After the xrays the dentist examined my teeth while the assistant charted my teeth in the computer. He did use a mirror to see back sides of my teeth, and he used some type of metal ruler type of device to measure the distance from my gums to the top of the tooth. At no time did he scold me, or make me feel uncomfortable.

Honestly about the only time I felt uncomfortable was when after the exam was complete the dentist went through my treatment plan tooth by tooth. I felt uncomfortable because I was embarassed I did work to address this fear sooner.

Tomorrow I go in for my 1st treatment which is for some fillings.

 

[odette]

Re: I just emailed a dentist

Salut everyone,
Thanks for all your kind words.

David and I sat down over soup tonight and I really got to talk about my fear and the wierdness of now having everything happen so fast and David warned me to be careful not to project and make predictions about how tomorrow will go.

To be honest, I don't have much experience or history with dentists so I don't know a lot about what they actually do, only as someone pointed out what I've heard about dentists from pop culture and I was thinking, as stupid as this sounds for a woman in her 30s, dentists must be evil cuz look at what all these people are saying about them..,

But I realize I dont know and my imagination is running riot right now.

Does anyone know where I can get some basic information like this that isn't for four year olds?

I'm gonna try and be patient with myself tonight, not gonna beat myself up if I can't get any sleep.

People on this site seem very real and honest in their sharing and I have to trust in the power if that shared wisdom.

I'm trying to keep my anxiety down by reminding myself that most dentists just want to help and that I have to be really brave tomorrow and ask for help, even if that means asking the dentist to introduce me to a scary looking tool.

Most people emphasize communication as the key and while I have no idea what to say when I meet the dentist, I mean like: "I'm in pain and I need your help"

Does anyone have any suggestions on what to actually say to describe why you're there: "hi, my name is Odette and I'm in pain but I'm scared of the dentist but I need help".

 

[odette]

Re: I just emailed a dentist

kcmo,
If you would be so kind, can you let me know how your appointment went?

A big thank you to everyone who shared that the loss of control part really affected them and their dental phobia because I can so empathize but I didn't want to say anything at first.

It just seems so difficult to speak up from such a place of vulnerability, shame(pride) and being scared witless.

How did other people manage to do it?!?!


I appreciate all the feedback about how to reestablish control, it just seems so hard to do when you're speaking from a place if vulnerability, shame(pride) and being scared witless.

 

[brit]

Re: I just emailed a dentist

You need to write your list on paper of what you want the dentist to do to help you..you can even give your background info this way and just hand it to them to read - as it can be hard to do it verbally in a stressful situation....this is so you don't scare them away into thinking they don't know how to help you.....on your list should be the various techniques we have mentioned for giving you BACK control....the ones you think will work for you. Your heading could be 'Please handle me with care"....by doing this......because ......

So long as you can pay for their time..the first appointment can just be a 'meet and greet' to establish rapport with them as a human being you feel you can work with...check-up/treatment can be left until next time and can be done in small stages or in one go under i/v sedation whatever you prefer after discussion of pros and cons. Or as Stressdoc says you can go with some anti-anxiety meds to make it easier for you to relax...you could take these just for a check up if you wanted.

There is no need for a dentist to cause you any discomfort during a check-up...it is simply an evaluation and it goes as far as you feel comfortable..they need only use a mirror...you can skip x-rays till next visit if you want. There is no need for any scary instruments to be involved at first visit...a mouth mirror is not scary. That's really all they need to give you an idea of what work you would benefit from.

There's lots of info on this site under Help and Common Fears... Look at this if you haven't already about the first appointment:

Doomsday - The First Appointment

Find out how to communicate your fears to a dentist, and whether they're good with nervous patients and right for you!

www.dentalfearcentral.org

There's also a great (real) treatment video on here somewhere (a filling) where a UK dentist talks an adult with learning difficulties through the painfree process but that's maybe for another day although it would show you the dentist as a 'caring figure' which is what you need to focus on. It's on this link I think but is the third video - you will need to click again to trigger it, the dentist talking is a good one as well (the second) Jerry Gordon he is in the USA as well so even more appropriate for you.

General Loss of control stuff here: https://www.dentalfearcentral.org/fears/loss-of-control/ (sorry if you have already seen this)

 

[gettingthere]

Re: I just emailed a dentist

Hi Odette

I have been reading your posts and have to say that I am in complete awe of your bravery. You can do this and you will feel great about yourself afterwards - believe me!

,
One of the main objectives of someone with PTSD is the constant, obsessive need to seek and secure safety. And it’s hard for me to feel safe when I’m not in control of a situation. One of the things I hate most about going to the dentist is the fact that I have to lay flat on my back and let the dentist “work on me” and I just have to lay there and take it, I can’t do anything to protect myself cuz I’m supposed to be letting someone that close into my personal space and even when they hurt me, I can’t react, I have to just take it.

The idea of using a safety signal is useless to me because if I get too scared, I will partially check out of the situation so I won’t be able to raise my hand to let the dentist know I have had enough and am about to lose my shit. I’ll just lay there paralysed, I even will hold my breath, so I need someone else to be aware of my behaviour and notice that I’m not ok. But again, that means I’m again reliant on someone else to protect myself.

Although my background and situation is different to yours, I can compltely empahise with much of what you say. Loss of control is a huge deal for me but I want to reassure you that an empathetic dentist will take this on board. I have never used a stop signal - most of the time because there is honestly no need - but on a few occassions where I have felt overwhelmed, my dentist has noticed the symptoms you describe - breaths quickening or holding my breath completely, tensing up etc - even tiny changes. There are great dentists out there who will be willing to worth with you and put you in the drivers seat to control the pace of your treatment and help you get through this.

Good luck

P.S. My father was military so I have a lot of respect and understanding for your situation.

 

[eightiesmetal1986]

Re: I just emailed a dentist

kcmo,
If you would be so kind, can you let me know how your appointment went?

A big thank you to everyone who shared that the loss of control part really affected them and their dental phobia because I can so empathize but I didn't want to say anything at first.

It just seems so difficult to speak up from such a place of vulnerability, shame(pride) and being scared witless.

How did other people manage to do it?!?!


I appreciate all the feedback about how to reestablish control, it just seems so hard to do when you're speaking from a place if vulnerability, shame(pride) and being scared witless.

hello...
i share the same fear you do. while reading your entries, it reminded me of myself like so many others in this forum. i've suffered for many years with my fear, 15 to be exact. i'm not even sure where my fear came from but i had one. it wasn't till the last 5 years that it was really getting to me. i believe it affected my personal life like it did yours. i'd complain out of fear but never did anything about it. i enjoyed the things i was doing but could have enjoyed soooo much more. the fear kept me concious of my smile & how shameful i felt about it. in the last few months, i've been really praying about my fear to help me overcome it. as i was doing this, i'd see commercials for dentists alot more. the more i saw them, i started to take them as signs that i HAVE to do this if i want my life back. a few weeks ago while i was at work, i heard a commercial for this dentist in my area. a day prior, i saw the commercial on tv while i was getting ready for work. anyway, lastweek i had my consultation. i was really nervous about it but i knew i had to be comfortable first. this site has helped me tremendously with making the first step. a great dentist will listen to you first before anything is done. if not, try another because you are in control. i took that advice and have found one. she gave me a free consultation to meet with her and her staff. also, to tour her office & discuss any concerns i have before anything was done. my next appt was the x-rays and now my next one is there going to look at what needs to be done with this camera thing that can see things that might have been missed. then my cleaning will be after that. yeasi'm still nervous but at ease knowing they care about me & not about what my teeth look like. the dentist told me that we will go at my pace that i feel comfortable with because they understand my fear. i'll tell you what the dentist told me. you have made the biggest step in the process of overcomming your fear & you should feel proud. we feel proud of you. odette, i (we) are all proud of you for making the first step. we will be here for you on your journey to having your life back. rock on odette

 

[swansong]

Re: I just emailed a dentist

Odette,

I am SO proud of you, girl! As you know, loss of control is one of my big "things" too, and you've just done so well to get this far. I'm looking forward to hearing how things went today, I just can't tell you how pleased I am that you're moving forward with this, you're an inspiration.....

 

[odette]

Re: I just emailed a dentist

"'Please handle me with care"....by doing this......because ......"

I have to thank Brit especially for giving me this sentence to start off my communications with the dentist for tonight.

I didn't get any sleep last night (i know, I was counting down the hours in my notebook) and I actually haven't been able to sleep for a while because of the pain and anxiety, so I'm really tired; unfortunately, being over-tired makes me overly emotional. But maybe that's ok that I just put all this out there for the dentist (I mean, I would never take my fear and throw it back in my dentist's face because I understand they are just trying to help so there is no need to be rude to them) since I've read on this website that communicatiion is key and that dentist's are not mind readers.

so ya, I like the fill in the blank sentence line above "please handle me with care...." because that's what I feel like I'm asking for.

I was talking to David and Chris last night -- they are angels and I know they will protect me so I can let some of my armour down -- and trying to define the difference between me 1: refusing to do something/try because it is simply too much/too frightening and me 2: refusing to do something/try without really trying (ie, showing trepidation without actually even being open minded to trying new things and allowing myself to be helped)

Regarding point 2, I know I have to try and put in the 50% on my end and not simply shut down (even though the little kid inside of me is going to kick and scream and not be happy until we get the hell out of there!) without attempting an exam, x-ray, small treatment.

I'm tired and totally obsessed about the visit tonight and how overwhelmed I will be and how messy it's gotta get and the drama when I try to flee from the building ...and there again, I'm projecting my fears and not being open minded.

 

[odette]

Re: I just emailed a dentist

Thanks everyone for your kind responses, but I’m really no more or less special than anyone else here just because I was a peacekeeper and I am so touched and feel embraced by everyone’s kindness and support for each other.

I’m extremely tired at work but I have been blessed with two great friends who have really stepped up to help me with this. I mean, if you had spoken to me even on Saturday, I would have probably told you to f*ck off if you suggested that I see a dentist. But I risked a lot by asking for help and I got it. And I found a great dentist from the recommended section on this site and I started small, with an email and then a call follow up.

I’m trying to be as honest as possible with the dentist cuz he won’t be able to help me if I don’t express what the problem is…but the biggest step was actually speaking to my friends about my fear and opening up to someone; finding someone in my life where I could abandon my pride and open myself up to receiving help.

 

[Stress Doc]

Re: I just emailed a dentist

Hi Odette:

You are well prepared and will do well. Couple of tips.

1. Do not rehearse failure. Think of yourself like an Olympic athlete. They see themselves performing perfectly and having a great outcome. Doing this programs a filter system at the base of your brain called the RAS (Reticular Activation System) this filter focuses on what is important to you, and finds it. If you focus on failure you will find it. See yourself coming through this with flying colors and doing great.

2. Break the fear cycle. Fear is a learned response that runs on a preprogrammed track. The way to break the cycle is by interrupting the pattern. When the pattern is interrupted it is very difficult to get back into the same emotional state. You can do this very quickly by doing the following.

Take a very deep breath in through your nose and hold it. While holding the breath roll your eyes up as high as you can, almost like your are trying to look out the top of your head. Hold them at that point for 1 or 2 seconds. Then exhale while you slowly return your eyes back to a normal position.

This produces an immediate rush of calm and drains tension. It works because you are stressing the visual cortex and accessing the cortical areas of the brain, interrupting the emotional hijacking caused by the amygdala (emotional control center, located just above the ears) . Great for instant calm and you can use it as often as you need.

You are just starting the journey, take small steps and reward yourself for progress, no matter how small.

Blessings

 

[kcmoguy]

Re: I just emailed a dentist

Sorry for not replying sooner but I just got home from my 1st treatment. Surprisingly I went in feeling confident and really not all that fearful. I think my biggest fear was just admitting what was wrong and seeking treatment. There is always that feeling of embarrassment, but once I got past that it seems I am fine.

Anyhow about my procedure. Today was only fillings. I was using Nitrous for my sedation so the 1st thing they did was to titrate me, or to find the level of nitrous that made me comfortable. Once they found this level I was fully conscious, but I had a “lite” feeling and was very relaxed. After that they applied a cherry topical numbing gel to the region they would be working. After 2-3 mins the dentist then gave me a few injections around the teeth to further numb the area. These where painless due to the topical gel. It felt no worse than a light poke of a toothpick on my gums. After an additional 5 mins or so the numbing had fully kicked in and the dentist got to work on the fillings. I felt absolutely no discomfort during any of this procedure and it was over in around 30 minutes.

At no time during any part of the procedure did I feel any bit of pain at all. Now the numbing is wearing off and I was told to expect a bit of sensitivity for maybe up to 24-48 hours and to just take Advil or Ibuprofen.

I'm happy to answer any questions you have. I have to go back for additional fillings as well as for a root canal and wisdom teeth extraction so I have a ways to go, but step 1 is over!

 

[odette]

Soldiering Through the First Contact with the Dentist (nothing graffic to trigger anyone)

Salut everyone,
I just wanted the requested update. I'm writing things down in case someone else is reading and wants to know what happens (in my case, anyway) , i left out anything graffic to not trigger anyone)

I arrived at the office with two of my friends – yes, I know, two, as an quasi-escort, I know, it seems excessive but both men volunteered and wanted to go with me to support me.

Anyway, I needed two people so I didn’t bolt while someone went to go talk to the dentist (David) and give him my background and someone (Chris) stayed with me to keep me calm. We walked, ok, they walked into the office, it took me a while to actually get into the lobby because there was a large TV playing a pre-remembrance day news special about dead soldiers, but once the TV was turned off, I was ok to come into the lobby.

Chris and I sat in the waiting room and he kept me calm and distracted me from the sounds and noises going (triggering imagination) on while David went into the back and spoke with the dentist so he knew what he was getting into (explaining PTSD). The dentist had purposefully scheduled us to come in right before closing so there were very few people in the office and so we had more time to talk.

After David spoke to the dentist alone (with my proxy), he came and invited Chris and I into his office. I have to admit that it took Chris’ arm around mine to steady me into going into his office; David had suggested it was better to talk in his office then there all the tools are.

I managed to sit face to face with the dentist and David and Chris talked a bit about my PTSD and how I was terrified of the dentist and being held down and forced and they recounted how the VA dentist had held me down (not that that incident is the locus of my phobia, but it definitely made it worse).

It turns out that the dentist was very sympathetic to my situation as he is from a region of the world where there has been pro-longed conflict and this is not the first case of PTSD he has seen. He asked me a few questions, too, which I was able to answer back and I was able to explain a little bit about what I needed (he kept asking that question: what do you need? How should I proceed?. I think I remained pretty present when answering his questions.

I felt comfortable enough from our chat to go have some x-rays (which I felt was better than having all these hands in my mouth) so we went into another room with the chair (took some coaxing to get me into said room and then sit in said chair).

One of his assistants had to do the x-rays but it was extremely extremely difficult for me to handle having the x-ray films and the extending wires in my mouth. Extremely extremely difficult (I have to be honest) because that was so unfamiliar to me.

While David spoke more in-depth to the dentist about what I needed (how I needed to feel safe and in control, how I perceived dental tools to be akin to power tools), Chris stayed with me by the chair to help coax me into accepting the film inside my mouth, with the woman technician.

There were actually 9 x-rays! and it took a long time for me to be able to have that metal contraption in my mouth and a lot of crying and hand holding and verbal coaxing, and when I could be still, then Chris and the technician would run out of the room for the picture to be taken and then Chris would come running back in and hold me for a few seconds before the next one had to go in. It probably looked kinda funny to watch from the outside, with two people running in and out of that room. This had to happen 9 times!!!!

I was kinda losing it after the x-rays so everything had to stop or I was gonna go over the edge. But I got it done. I am so thankful for my friend’s help and for the dentist’s allowing my friends to do their thing.

There was some talking after that, but my mind was fragged so I don’t remember everything that was said. Apparently, there are different levels of intrusiveness to dentistry so the next appointment will be to see how I can tolerate having tools and hands in my mouth – which I am dreading – and maybe try and clean my teeth a little.

The dentist tried once that night to examine my mouth but I didn’t like being laid down and every time he tried to get close to me with this explorer thing and mirror, I would scramble out of my seat. I just didn’t want any thing near me.

They have offered me nitrous the next appointment, but I’m very very reluctant to have any sort of sedation (I don’t want to be incapacitated in any way= slow reaction time to threat) but then again, I have no idea how I’m going to tolerate anyone near my mouth with any tools. I was really forceful when desperate to get out of that chair whenever the dentist came near my mouth, like we’re taking kicking the base of the machine and using my hand to yank the light away. I’m not sure how I’m going to handle this next step.

 

[swansong]

Re: Soldiering Through the First Contact with the Dentist (nothing graffic to trigger anyone)

Hey there Odette,

Strange - I was just looking for your thread to ask how you'd got on, and up came this post!

I am so so proud of you, and you should be too. Major hurdle overcome or what!!! I am kind of close to where you are now, I've done the x-rays (ok, with overmuch sedation and I remember about 5 seconds of the 4 hours it took to actually get me in there and do it) and now I have to go in tomorrow morning for the full mouth debridement. I don't know either how I'm going to cope with things in my mouth, especially without sedation, I will update when I can on my thread.

I just wanted to say that I went to the hypnotherapist yesterday again and we tried really hard to overcome my "chair" thing. Her chair is a recliner and whenever it tilts me backwards I just mentally flip unless I move it myself and go really slowly, which she's happy to let me do. I don't know yet if I'll be able to do this tomorrow but if I can I know it will help some. Also, I discovered that I can lie back further and be much calmer if I can draw up my knees towards my chest and hold a pillow or something tight to my belly, I seem to feel more protected and safe like this and I can't see why this won't be possible in the actual "chair" since it shouldn't interfere with access to my mouth. Again, I'll update on this later. The hypnotherapist also gave me a lovely smooth green heart-shaped touchstone (green is the color of healing) and strangely that seems to help somehow as well so I will no doubt be clinging on to that for dear life!

I don't know if any of the above things will be any help to you but I hope something in there might be some use. I will also be trying to remember to do the breathing techniques so kindly supplied by Stress Doc, I'm sure he will help you if he isn't doing so already.

In the meantime, HUGE congratulations for getting this far! You rock!

 

[odette]

Re: Soldiering Through the First Contact with the Dentist (nothing graffic to trigger anyone)

I am so greatful for everyone's support here and for listening. I also feel I can honest here. Cuz let's face it, it took a two (grown) men escort to bring me to the dentist for the first time (one dedicated to sitting with me and keeping me calm at all times and one to take the dentist aside to talk to him about what needed -- David had talked at length beforehand about how to secure my safety) and that is a bit embarassing but reflects how scared I am and how badly war has messed me up.

The point tho is, I got there. It took a two man escort but I got there. Whatever you gotta do to make you feel safe you just do it. No apologies. Just do it, and if it means physically inching closer to the dentist office, if that process makes you feel safer in the end, do it.

It wasn't easy for me, I feel I can honest and speak my truth in strength on here, too. It wasn't east. I really struggled thru the x rays and I fought hard but I got them done, which is prettygood for someone who needed a two person escort. So no matter how small they seem, victories are victories.

And I had someone with me holding my hand and wiping the tears off my face and holding me and reassuring me in between every x ray cuz this tough army chick needed some TLC. Should I be embarassed I needed to be held for support, cuz I'm supposed to be tough? I do a little bit but I also know I askedfor what it would take to get me thru those xrays.

Again, a small victory but a victory none the less. Forward, always forward!

I wish you and everyone else here a victory, too

 

[Stress Doc]

Re: Soldiering Through the First Contact with the Dentist (nothing graffic to trigger anyone)

Hi Odette:

Well Done!!!

You have made a huge step. Just walking through the door is awesome. Be very proud of yourself. Every journey begins with a single step.

You have said yes to yourself and no to the fear. That is huge.

Thank you for sharing this with us.

Blessings

 

[fatcat]

Re: Soldiering Through the First Contact with the Dentist (nothing graffic to trigger anyone)

Thank you for letting us know about your visit! I was going to ask how you got on last night but didn't want you to feel pushed. Well done!!!! You have made great progress! As you say, every victory is a victory and it is onwards and upwards from here! With time each step will be slightly easier. It sounds like you picked a fantastic dentist who totally understands your needs, I am so pleased!

I have had reactions similar to yours in the chair, the first tooth I had out in my recent treatment I was kicking the chair and trying to shout stop it get off me! It took a lot of soul searching to try to figure out how I could stop that reaction (and similar ones), I managed somehow to get to the point where I understood it was time to trust the dentist and realise he was there to help me. It does take time but I hope eventually you will get to that point too. It really helps to have a dentist that understands and doesn't tell you off and it sounds like you have found one of those dentists now, that in itself is a great thing! I'm telling you these things just so you know you are not alone and it's nothing to feel embarrassed about.

Again, Congrats!!!!

 

[brit]

Re: Soldiering Through the First Contact with the Dentist (nothing graffic to trigger anyone)

So glad you reported back...I was getting worried about you and congratulations - that's fantastic progress...babysteps are fine but that was much more than babysteps.
Have you considered taking a blanket to make yourself feel more secure...a lot of people have reported that this helps them feel less vulnerable.

What other things have you agreed with the dentist to help you?

 

[kcmoguy]

Re: Soldiering Through the First Contact with the Dentist (nothing graffic to trigger anyone)

As you may recall I was in your exact situation this week. Last week I had my exam with xrays, etc, then this week I had my 1st stage of treatment with fillings. I opted to go the nitrous method and I felt in control the entire time but at the same time I was super relaxed. The nitrous almost feels like one would feel after having just enough drinks to get relaxed, but again I was in control the entire time, the dentist communicated with me and I received my fillings no problems. I was actually excited after it was over because it was pain free.

My only problem was I went to take a drink of water and my lip was still a bit numb from the numbing gel and I spilled water all down my shirt

 

[blackhawkmedic]

Re: Soldiering Through the First Contact with the Dentist (nothing graffic to trigger anyone)

I too am a tough army chic who needs her hand held and reassured when going to the dentist.I am so glad I found this thread as I know of no one who has PTSD AND a Dental phobia except me!It gives me hope that I am not alone.I went to my dentist today and had 2 root canals done on 7&9.I had some xanax and my Mom(yes I am a 31 year old Sgt in the army who is a momma's girl)and 5 hours later I got thru it.My dentist has been my dentist all of my life except when I was over seas in Iraq for a year.Army dentist (at least the 4 I have seen)SUCK!I still have some pretty bad flashbacks when getting in the chair but with some understanding and hand holding I did manage to get thru it.I am very proud of you for comming this far!keep up the good work,
Jenny

 

[odette]

Re: Soldiering Through the First Contact with the Dentist (nothing graffic to trigger anyone)

It’s nice to meet you, Jenny, I also thought I was alone in struggling with the dual diagnosis of dental phobia and PTSD and that no one else understood me.

For example,
While methods of sedation – in so much as being unconscious or near unconscious – is one suggestion I hear a lot of and have had pushed on me, but I’m actually very terrified of the process of being chemically incapacitated since it would disable my very well trained fight/flight response, and yet, I know if I come to a dentist as is with my PTSD, I’ll flip into PTSD mode and react to the dentist in a very hard fight/flight way. So I feel like I’m dammed if I do and dammed if I don’t.

I have no idea how to get around this dilemma.

Military dentists and VA dentists are very much ‘ends justify means’ which is hard for me to take and I’ve been pinned down to the chair before.

I’m very proud of you for going to the dentist and sitting through the two root canals. Good on ya.