Scared teenager..can't get courage to call..

[starsun]

I'm only 19 years old but my mom has never taken me to the dentist before and she never taught me the consequences of never brushing my teeth...so now i am living with the consequences..

my top left second to last tooth is pretty bad..almost half of it is already gone..but it is not loose....yet.

my teeth are covered in calculus...it's disgusting, i hate myself for it.

i can't ever smile proudly and when i talk it's so frustrating because i don't want anyone to see my ugly teeth.

yet i cant get the courage to call up a periodontist...i tried before...a few months ago...but the lady on the phone told me i had to have a general dentist refer me to a periodontist..like i said before..ive never been to a dentist before so i dont have a general dentist. after that i got so scared and frustrated and embarassed that i didnt try to call anymore. i'm so ashamed.

i dont have insurance...and i have to pay for this whole procedure myself..i dont even want to think about how much it will cost..it scares me.

i just cant do it...help..

 

[archaeodani2]

I've got 20 years on you, and I know exactly how you feel.
I really do

you did take the first step by coming here to get support & draw courage from us to help yourself.

It took me years to gather the courage to go to the dentist for help, and yes, like you it took a bad tooth on an emergency basis. I was lucky my first time out - I found a great dental practice that deals well with phobics & generally scared people

If you are in the US, try for "care credit" = it's like a credit card, but without interest if you pay it off as required and if you can get the financial aspect under "control", it will ease some of your anxiety.

you may need nothing more than getting that last tooth removed, and cleaning everything - like a LOT of others' stories on this board, it may be much less than what you think - but of course we always think the worst, which only adds to our anxiety...

your first visit to a dentist should ONLY be a consult = just to see where you stand, what the real condition you are facing.. there should be NO work done that first time - just an x-ray and a look-see.

 

[brit]

I don't see why you thought you needed a periodontist rather than a general dentist..periodontists treat severe gum disease. I would try to find yourself a general dentist you feel comfortable with and take it from there one step at a time. They will probably want to clean your teeth properly as a first treatment goal.
Visit practices on your shortlist to see what the atmosphere is like and then when you find one you like, ask to pay to just meet and chat with the dentist since you have never seen one before. If you like them, you continue...if you don't, you go elsewhere.
Good luck

 

[scaredstiff]

A big welcome to this site, you are now in good company with lots of like minded people of all ages, with similar fears and embarrassment just like yours. Though you may never have been to a dentist, you are still young enough not to have everlasting damage to your teeth. If you've followed a good diet its possible that cleaning is all that you will need.

We truly understand your fears, we've all had them, still do in lots of cases though we may have been able to manage to get ourselves to a dentist and start treatment. What you need to do is to find a dentist in your area. There are loads who are not only excellent dentists but have the right personalities and caring attitutde and who are definitely not judgmental and would never tell you off about not caring for your teeth: rather they will congratulate you on being sensible enough to start to want to do something about your teeth. Recommendation is best, have you friends you can ask about their dentists or, if you feel you cannot speak about the 'd' word to anyone, our dentist finder section (link at top of page) might give you the name of soe in your area, otherwise, just post a message living your general location and perhaps someone can recommend one. Once you can get to the point of making that appointment - with a dentist - that is your first port of call, the first appt will probably be consultation, sort of exploratory at which they will tell you what needs to be done. Even if there is more than just cleaning, dentistry today can be totally painfree and having healthy teeth means so much more than just being able to smile, it will change your life completely, give you so much more confidence and we all know that being confident in yourself can make for a better life all round. So good luck, you've made the first important step - by finding us - now go and find a dentist, there will be one out there just made for you! Do keep us posted we'd love to hear how you progress.

 

[Okira]

I'm only 19 years old but my mom has never taken me to the dentist before and she never taught me the consequences of never brushing my teeth...so now i am living with the consequences..

my top left second to last tooth is pretty bad..almost half of it is already gone..but it is not loose....yet.

my teeth are covered in calculus...it's disgusting, i hate myself for it.

i can't ever smile proudly and when i talk it's so frustrating because i don't want anyone to see my ugly teeth.

yet i cant get the courage to call up a periodontist...i tried before...a few months ago...but the lady on the phone told me i had to have a general dentist refer me to a periodontist..like i said before..ive never been to a dentist before so i dont have a general dentist. after that i got so scared and frustrated and embarassed that i didnt try to call anymore. i'm so ashamed.

i dont have insurance...and i have to pay for this whole procedure myself..i dont even want to think about how much it will cost..it scares me.

i just cant do it...help..

First of all, welcome! Okay...let's take one step at a time. The first thing you need to do is find a dentist that you're comfortable with. Maybe you can talk with friends or family members that can give you some referrals. Call the dentists office and make an appointment for a check-up and cleaning. That should cost a few hundred dollars (I paid $250). If you can't afford that, you can contact either Capital One or CareCredit and get financing (there are other places that offer financing too), or maybe the dentist will agree to allow you to make monthly payments directly to him/her. The important thing is making that first appointment! Last but not least, YOU shouldn't feel ANY shame at all! It was not YOUR choice to avoid the dentist. I'm sorry you're feeling so bad about this, but I know exactly how you feel. We're all here for you.
Peace,
Susan

 

[r_r]

Just call and everything will be o.k. I too didn't go to the dentist for years and then I was tired of having so much junk on my teeth that I decided to go. It took 2 cleanings but the hygienst was wonderful. I only ended up having 1 cavity after all those years. I truly believe your visit will go as well. Like everybody says - it's always worse what we think then what it truly is. I pray all goes well for you. God bless!

 

[tiggeroo]

When I was reading your post, I felt like I was reading a diary of my thoughts. I know exactly how you feel, I had so much calculus build up on my front teeth and never wanted to smile either. Please don't be embarrassed, you are the majority! You will have the strength to call and you will be so happy when they help you through this. A lot of dentists have payment plans with no financing if you pay in a specific time. Good luck!

 

[starsun]

Thank you all for the encouragement.

But as of today, I'm sad to report that I still have not called...although, i did make some progress. I finally looked up some general dentists in my area. I feel more comfortable with a female dentist, but i cant even get the courage to call how can I request a female dentist! People in my neighborhood aren't that friendly, it's hard to find dentists who actually care about your fears. But I know I need to get this over with soon...

So I'm going to try to force myself to call by the end of this week.....AHHHHHHH!!!!!!

by the way, has anyone ever heard of Smilecare Dental? I think I am going to call that place..

 

[archaeodani2]

regarding Smilecare = do you mean this place?? [link removed]

I'm in S. Arizona, there isn't one here..
I like their website (if this is in fact the same place) & their "first appointment" outline...
I"m not too terribly thrilled with what appears to me to be a "franchise" look about their site... It seems like this place is a chain, perhaps?? Nothing really wrong with that truthfully - what matters is the dentist/staff you have in the office you pick.. -It is just a function of who I am, that their site puts me off a bit as impersonal - definitely NOT something I'd think any phobic would want to deal with....

call around/ keep calling around if you can ... get a feel for compassionate receptionists = sometimes (not always) that is an indication of the caring nature of the office as a whole... Be upfront with the receptionist - let him/her know you are scared & this is your first visit. If they can't/ won't be compassionate to you about that, then scratch it off your list...

 

[scaredstiff]

Starsun you may not yet have made the actual call but you are indeed making progress. Instead of thinking about phoning, how about finding their web address, email contact etc to make the first approach that way. Doing it in this manner, you've still made contact, but more impersonally and you can still gauge from their reply and how their website looks, to whether they might be a good dentist for you. Don't know Smilecare myself, but name sounds more like cosmetic dentistry to me but you never know, its hard to come up with names to pull the customers/clients/patients in. Do continue your search, never give up trying to be positive and it will happen for you. You're already well on your way though you might not yet believe that.

 

[starsun]

AAHHHHH~!!!!

i've called a couple of places but none of them have female general dentists!!~!!!!! i'm sweating bullets right now freaking out!!!!

i wish i would get over my stupid fear of male dentists. GEEZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok..must calm down now...i need to think about my next plan of action. .

i need some advice; should i really see a general dentist first or should i just try to make an appointment with the periodontist. (since the periodontist is a woman )

my train of thought is so messy right now, i need support! help!!!

 

[brit]

There's no shortage of female dentists in the Western world to my knowledge so if you really don't want the extra hurdle of seeing a bloke just to get the referral to a female periodontist, then don't do it.
In all the countries I have ever lived, it is possible to go straight to a periodontist...if they can't help you, they will say so at consult stage...maybe they wouldn't do conventional restorative type treatment fillings etc and would have to refer you back for that....maybe a female periodontist would know a female general dentist who she thinks is a good choice...it's worth phoning up and explaining how you feel and see if she can see you direct or if she can make any female dentist recommendations.

Failing that just try a few more practices until you find a female dentist or ask friends for recommendations for nice female dentists.

 

[letsconnect]

Could you ask anyone you know if they know a female dentist whom they recommend? There are some tips for finding a dentist here:

How to find a dentist for nervous patients

Discover how to find a dentist who is good with nervous, scared or phobic patients - and who to avoid!

www.dentalfearcentral.org

A general dentist should be your first port of call . However, you could contact the periodontist and ask her if *she* can recommend a caring female dentist in your area

 

[letsconnect]

...maybe a female periodontist would know a female general dentist who she thinks is a good choice...it's worth phoning up and explaining how you feel and see if she can see you direct or if she can make any female dentist recommendations.

Great minds think alike

 

[brit]

Great minds think alike

Fools seldom differ!

 

[starsun]

i got the courage to call an office today and while the line was ringing i really really wanted to just hang up, my heart was beating so fast. thankfully someone picked up finally and i forced myself to explain my situation calmly.

the receptionist (she was very nice) insisted that i still go through the general dentist first (i figured thats what she would say) so i finally agreed and asked her if i could make an appointment.

then she asked me whether i had insurance and i told her i dont BUT i do have this "reduced fee plan". i explained to her that i found their dental office through the site that i purchased the plan from....the site had listed their dental office as one participating in the "reduced fee plan" but she said she hasn't heard of this plan before.

she asked me if there was a number i could call, i gave her the number i found on my plan card..she jotted down my name, date of birth, and phone number..and told me she would probably call me back in 30 minutes, after she calls the reduced fee plan company.

my head is spinning .

 

[mikey]

I'm glad you got the courage to call

Lets hope they call back with all of the things you hope for

 

[starsun]

Long story short, the receptionist called me back and told me i needed to switch the plan to one named the Carington plan.

I did what she said, the reduced plan company told me they would credit back 75 cents to my account since i guess the carington plan is cheaper than the plan i originally paid for.

while i waited for the receptionist to call me back, my mother called me. i informed her that i was finally going to get my teeth looked at and she said: "why????? why dont you wait a little longer. you can always get it fixed anytime....." i was furious with her when i heard this. she is partly the reason why my teeth are how they are now. i explained to her that i will probably need a root canal and she said "no! dont do root canals, ive gotten one done before, it doesnt work! just tell them to pull out the tooth, its easier and CHEAPER!" by this time i was so mad and felt like crying. i couldnt believe the words that were coming out of her mouth. i just couldnt talk to someone like that so i said i would call her back.

after i hung up with her i called the dental office again to make an appointment. the receptionist said "I know you are worried about finances, so i want you to call the reduced plan company and ask them to fax you a copy of their plan savings. Look it over and make sure you can afford this."

i just wanted to get an appointment already but i knew i had to do as she said. so i am going to call the reduced plan company again after i post this and ask them to fax over the savings for the plan. *screams!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*

 

[mikey]

You can do it! your making lots of progress... so fast

 

[starsun]

You can do it! your making lots of progress... so fast

thanks. i just want to get it over with already because if this takes any longer i know i'm going to start getting more scared and back out.