Another countdown to add to the list!

[letsconnect]

I just read your post and was wondering how you're feeling about things? (apart from wrecked and tired...) gimme a shout when you've recovered (by PM if you like)

 

[vicki]

Well, I'm back (again!). And what's more... I've managed to complete the form and hand it in   . Not only that, but I've also confessed to being terrified and to taking beta blockers before appointments .

I'm still not quite sure how I feel right now (sort of a cross between being still completely terrified but at the same time being just about ready to take on the world - if that makes any sense?).

I did wonder when I was downstairs in reception after my appointment why he wanted me to fill in a medical history form but then I remembered that I think when I was explaining (yet again) that the acid reflux could be an ongoing thing, I said something about surgery not being an option due to a couple of other medical conditions. When my mum re-registered me at the practice, I think she only gave them my name and address. They did used to have all my medical history/details because it's the same place I went to before I stopped going but they must obviously trash patient files if they don't go for a long time.

The receptionist was a bit puzzled when I asked if I could bring it back later but when I took it back in there this afternoon, I handed it back to the same person. She glanced at it and said "Oh, I see what you mean now - there's a lot of writing on it." I just made up some lie about not having time to fill it in earlier as I had a meeting to go to (when in reality I've been off work today - I just needed time to think about it).

I decided not to include the letter because I thought I could get the basic gist of it across on this form, but I will take it with me next time as I am sure there will be some questions to answer  . Once I put pen to paper, something changed and I just thought (in the words of the song) - it's now or never.

Amongst some of the things I confessed to were;

The filling I had being painful due to not being completely numb (for the question about bad reactions to local/general anaesthetics).

The fact that even though I answered 'yes' to the 'Ever had brain surgery?' question, I am actually completely normal despite my 'nervousness'.

Fainting! Yes I admitted to fainting during panic attacks! (Well it did ask whether I have fainting attacks, giddiness, blackouts or epilepsy)

For the 'any other info' bit I also said that I usually take beta blockers before appointments for anxiety (due to really bad past experiences) and then I used the penultimate sentence of my letter to finish it off.

I can only imagine what his face must be like as he reads it but I'll just have to cross (or burn!) that bridge when I come to it because I can't undo it now - it's done.

One thing does puzzle me a bit though - at my last appointment, as soon as I went  , he went and spent most of the time hiding behind the chair very much like this: . This time I was definitely a lot more (not through choice!) but yet he was and wasn't hiding. Strange... either he's realised that he actually made my 'nervousness' a little worse last time or perhaps there are more people who read this site than we realise (not a nice thought - although it's too late to be worrying about that now considering today's events).

So, after today's little adventure, I've decided that I've earnt another reward on my Apple incentive scheme and I think I'm going to get an iTrip for my iPod Nano. Online Apple store here I come....

 

[letsconnect]

Well, I'm back (again!). And what's more... I've managed to complete the form and hand it in . Not only that, but I've also confessed to being terrified and to taking beta blockers before appointments .

Congratulations !!! That must have been a huge relief . I'm thrilled you managed to do that - I know it can't have been easy for you!

So, after today's little adventure, I've decided that I've earnt another reward on my Apple incentive scheme and I think I'm going to get an iTrip for my iPod Nano. Online Apple store here I come....

hehehe... Apple rules
Hey, you're worth it - well done again !

 

[lotus]

Good work Vicki!  

Congratulations for making it back in to the office, and with your form too!

You deserve a medal!....or an i-gadget!  

 

[vicki]

Thanks for the messages and support everyone - I don't think I'd have got through yesterday without you all (and I doubt I'd have found the bottle to put what I did on that form and give it back to them).

I have a feeling that this is going to be a long road for me but something was a little different about yesterday's appointment (not quite sure what though because I didn't do anything differently - even though I wanted to hand the letter over but couldn't) so I think I have made a significant step and hopefully in the right direction.

I'm now sat here wondering if I've done the right thing with that form now - but I'm really hoping that this worry will go because it will drive me crazy if it doesn't and besides, it's too late to be worrying about it now anyway because it's done.

 

[gumgirl]

Wow - congratulations, vicki I think that's so brave of you to march back with the form...I'm sure it's the right thing to have done. Better for him to have all the info than not.
You certainly deserve your Apple incentive!

 

[vicki]

Not so sure about me marching back in there - more like tip-toeing and stumbling, shaking like a leaf and looking like the walking dead !

I know it's probably better that he knows (if he hasn't already figured it out considering yesterday's little performance ) but I'm still in shock - partly because I still can't believe I've now publicly admitted that I'm terrified and partly because the of the great fear of the unknown (in other words what's going to happen because of it). I'm still extremely scared by this whole thing because I know that this will be the first step of many and that I've yet to somehow discuss (though god knows how ) my fear.

This is what I've decided I'm having though: a Griffin iTrip Nano FM Transmitter...