I'm back..trying to book that appointment!

[kitty]

Re: wide range of emotions

Why is it you feel that your mouth must be perfect before finding a new dentist? Remember, there have always been worse looking mouths than yours. What you should be proud of is not the condition that your mouth is in, but the fact that you are facing your fears and getting your treatment done. Unless those fillings must be done in the very near future (to avoid a root canal or something), if it were me I would start looking for another dentist and not go back to that insensitive jerk! You can tell the new dentist that you know you need some fillings, but your last dentist was not willing to help you with your anxiety so you are changing providers. Would you take your car to a mechanic that you don't trust just because the calendar says it is time for an oil change? The simple fact is that dentistry is a business, as much as it is a form of health care. You are the customer and it is up to the dentist to serve you. You have two choices. Schedule a consult with him and discuss your concerns, and try to find a way to work together, or go elsewhere. You are the one in control here.

 

[freakout]

Re: wide range of emotions

Hi Penny...I have to agree with Kitty. You do not have to have a perfect mouth to see a new dentist. If you are seeing a dentist that scares you and that you don't trust, chances are the next time you want to see a dentist, your fears will be even greater.

If you could only see how badly I shake when I see my dentist, not fear of him, just fear of the procedures. He has never made me feel bad about the shaking. In fact he has only acknowledged that he is aware that I am nervous, and is extra careful not to hurt me.

Remeber you are the customer, you wouldn't continue shopping at a store that treated you badly.

 

[Penny]

Re: wide range of emotions

I Know you are both right, I know you are. I don't know what to do. I don't know what is worse really. I did email him on sunday and told him what had happened to make me panic and he did say sorry and said that they get nervous treating nervous people, and promiced that this week it would be OK, so I know he wants to try, and the actual dental work seams good, I don't want another root canal and it took me over a year with the abscess to see this one, so my head is saying to keep the appointment saturday and just get it over with, then find someone else. I don't think I could find someone else knowing there was definately something wrong while they were still large fillings and not root canals or worse. I will talk to my husband and see what he says. Mind you I know he thinks I should just get it finished then look for someone new. I will think about it. It is just 45 minutes more, isn't it?

 

[brit]

Re: wide range of emotions

Hi Penny
If you've had an e-mail apology and he didn't actually cause you any pain last time, then I'd say give it one more go. I've definitely heard that before, that nervous patients make dentists nervous - ironic isn't it?
You never know you may even decide to stay put.

So long as you are properly numb, deep fillings should be okay. Make it clear, you will not allow any work if you are not 100% numb and agree a stop signal to make you feel more in control. Agree this by e-mail in advance if that's easier. The response you get will also help make your decision for you.
Best wishes
Brit

 

[Penny]

Re: wide range of emotions

I am thinking that. I can't do a stop signal, when I am there I can't speak and I disassociate, if I am controled enough. It was the injection issue the last time. I am not frightened of them at all, it is a blessed relief as far as I am concerened, when i was making the appointment the nurse said i wouldn't need one to finish the root canal as the nerve was dead and i just lost it. there is no way i would let them drill my teeth without an injection, i had already written him a list before i started going with that on. My husband went up there and spoke to them, turned out he had no intention of not giving me one, I needed it anyway as my tooth was very sore after the root canal as there was a lot of infection inside that he had pushed up one of the canals (?) He has very rapid movements that un-nerve me, I can't see me staying. I have written and he wrote back and said I will definately be getting injections and that he understands my fears! We chose them because on their website and phone book ad they say they cater to nervous people, but I think they don't cater to PHOBIC ones and there is a difference. It is hard to feel confident when you know THEY are nervous! I think I just want it to be over, then I can think again. I am so frightened of loosing control and having a panic attack there again, especially now I know he can't cope with someone who is shaking, mind You it was bad, I can even smile a bit thinking about it, him trying to fill a tooth that was leaping up and down. he should have stopped to let me gather myself, they kept saying how they couldn't understand I could panic having a filling when I had lay still for the root canal. Partly it was because I could remember just how much I didn't like it. I don't know.

 

[brit]

Re: wide range of emotions

If you're definitely not staying, rather than 'the jury just still being out', then on balance I agree with the others that you should look elsewhere now and maybe not go back.

If you'd rather just get it sorted asap so you are dentally fit, then can your partner sit in and act as intermediary as to whether you are comfortable?

If they truly deal with the nervous and anxious they should have nitrous/oral sedation available shouldn't they?

You can't stay with someone who makes you more nervous by their manner - there are plenty of dentists who have the opposite effect and actually make you feel more relaxed by their approach...honestly.

 

[Penny]

Re: wide range of emotions

Hi...... They do offer oral sedation, I take 20mg tamazipan the night before and 30 an hour before, though it didn't work last week. I think they do IV sedation too, but that isn't an option for me at all, I can't do that. Mind you I am being charged £49 a VISIT for the tamazipan, which is outragious, i am seeinf my doctor tomorrow to get it off her, then I hope they will just take it back and take that charge off my account, I can't afford £49 a visit and they didn't give me a cost plan until just before my last appointment, so I can't see how I agreed to pay it.

 

[letsconnect]

Re: wide range of emotions

If they truly deal with the nervous and anxious they should have nitrous/oral sedation available shouldn't they?

Not sure about that - I think it really depends on a particular person's phobia, so the main thing is to get a good match between the person with a phobia and the dentist. For some people, that might include sedation options, for others, it might not. So I wouldn't knock any dentist as "generally unsuitable" on the grounds that they don't offer sedation.

But back to the original topic - personally, I certainly wouldn't go back to that dentist - gives me the creeps just reading about him... but that's just me... on the other hand, there might be certain benefits (financial and health-wise) in seeing it through... Maybe I'm just a wimp

If you don't mind someone else being present, I'd certainly recommend bringing your partner or a friend along, just to keep an eye on proceedings and make sure he doesn't act up like the last time.

 

[Penny]

Re: wide range of emotions

No you are not a wimp!!! I am the wimp for blindly following through when it is all wrong because I can't find it in myself to try again! It takes strength to stop and start again, a courage I don't seam to have x

 

[letsconnect]

Re: wide range of emotions

I think it takes more courage to go back to someone who is unsympathetic to your needs, compared to asking around for recommendations or making "distance contact" (via e-mail, letter or phone) with dentists who might be good with nervous patients .

You've got a lot more courage than you realize.

 

[Penny]

Re: wide range of emotions

It seams to me that we all have strengths and weakneses, we admire our weaknesses when they are shown by others as strengths. It just goes to show how complex this phobia is, and how many forms it can take.

I had a long talk with my husband last night. he says that he could see before we left home last saturday now badly I was doing. he thinks I had been so sick in the night and morning that the tamazipan had not had a chance to act in my body, but he agrees that having any more treatment being told to stop shaking is counter productive, so we have come to the arangement that if on satrday morning I am in the same condition as I was last saturday, he will not take me. He is convinced that if we work together to keep me calm, I won't be so ill and the drugs will then work and help me to go.

he may have a point, he was working last friday night and I was on my own until 1 in the morning, so I had plenty of time to work myself into a frenzy, distraction is helpful isn't it?

i wish i could stop treatment and find someone else, but in my heart of hearts I know this just wouldn't happen, I wouldn't be able to face starting again, AGAIN, I think for my sanity I am better off just trying to go and get these last two fillings then it is over with and I can take my time finding someone new. x

 

[brit]

Re: wide range of emotions

Hi again Penny
Provided you are not scared of him per se as opposed to the procedures, that sounds like a reasonable decision - especially if as I said before, he didn't cause you any pain and you think the quality of the work was good. I think in one post, you quoted, 'try to stop shaking' which if the tone is right, could be okay but another said 'stop shaking' which wouldn't. Obviously he should have stopped and let you do deep breathing or something to calm down before continuing...

Could you up the dose on the oral sedation - being distracted the night before - some good Comedy films maybe - is definitely a good idea and being alone is not. *

I know Lets' gut instinct differs on this but you have met him, we haven't, it's a very personal decision - I can see how you might find it difficult to search again in the short term and how this could be easier if you know you don't need any work.

By the way, the only reason I'm leaning more to 'benefit of the doubt' is because of the e-mail apology - professionals don't put such things in writing lightly. Is your partner going to sit in? (if you're comfortable with it).
Best of luck with whatever you eventually decide on the day.
Brit

 

[Penny]

Re: wide range of emotions

Hi Brit...... I emailed them first then they emailed back, he is very good in the email. When he was telling me to stop shaking, i could tell he way anoyed, well not sure if anoyed is the right word, he was saying I was making things difficult. I think he is a descent person, and means well, , Like I said before this phobia takes many different forms, he is just not right for me. He has very rapid movements and un nerves me, and I do think he should have stopped when I was panicing so much. I felt pinned in and trapped with him still drilling while I was in so much distress. That is why I emailed them in the first place. I have an issue with self disgust and such like, it is only resently I have let my husband come in the waiting room, I could not cope with him in the room, I have enough trouble afterwards copeing with the fact I have let them do this to me, even though i know it needs to be done, and it is hardly forced on me, but there you go. At the moment, I am going to try to go, with the deal with my husband. Usually once I am there it happens, getting there is the hardest part isn't it? x

 

[letsconnect]

Re: wide range of emotions

Are you able to give a stop signal, Penny? (just asking because some people aren't). So that in case you panic or just need to take a break, you can let him know.
It sounds like someone with a calming demeanour and someone who puts emphasis on giving control to patients would be a much better choice for you.

 

[Penny]

Re: wide range of emotions

No, I can't do that, I can't even speak, when they are trying to adjust the bite on fillings it is a nightmare to communicate. I usually just lie there unable to breathe with my eyes tight shut. this time was different as I was shaking uncontrollably and my eyes were flicking giving me a strobe like effect, it was horrible. My heart was beating so hard I was actually thinking I might die!

I do have this new agreement with my husband, I am going to have to go for it, I am not brave enough to start looking for someone else, when it could all be over the day after tomorrow. x

 

[letsconnect]

Re: wide range of emotions

Is your husband coming into the treatment room with you? It might be an idea to give a stop signal to him (e. g. wiggling a foot) which he can then relay to the dentist.

 

[Penny]

Re: wide range of emotions

No I have only just been able to let him in the waiting room, I couldn't cope with him seeing it. Just going to have to hope the drugs work and I can just let them get on with it. Went to the doctors this morning, she is sending me for councilling to deal with the root of my phobia, then perhaps I might cope better. I do have this new arrangement with my husband, I have him home the evening before, with a bit of luck I may manage OK. I just want it over with. Can't thank you enough for the support though, it is such a BIG help to talk to people who know where you are coming from. x

 

[letsconnect]

Re: wide range of emotions

I know what you mean, I couldn't have had someone else come with me either (too embarrassed). On the other hand, in a situation like yours, it struck me as the lesser of two evils .

Is the dentist aware that you have trouble giving a stop signal? Maybe he needs to be made aware that he needs to give you a break when you panic?

 

[Penny]

Re: wide range of emotions

I was going to take in the sheets I printed off here, my husband made me ring the parts that particularly applied, but it is very personal information and I am not planning on ever going back after saturday, so it hardly seams worth it, to lay out all my eggs like that. My husband wants to tell the one nurse, who we like, if she is in saturday, that if it looks like I am shaking or panicing she is to ask him to give me a break. I am thinking about it. there is no pleaseing me, I don't want loads of uneeded breaks that prolongs the time I am there. really they just can't win. no wonder I make HIM nervous! I must be the patient from hell, which makes me think he would NEVER do anything to me I didn't need! x

 

[Penny]

Re: wide range of emotions

15 hours until my appointment now, and I still don't know what I am going to do. I am doing a little better today, I have the runs but I have not been sick, which is an improvement. My husband is home, we just went to the supermarket, but I expect we will end up going again as I couldn't consentrate, we didn't come home with much. FELT like buying a bottle of vodka but managed to resist! I hope I go tomorrow, I just want it over with. I keep telling myself it is 45 minutes in exchange for 6 months of freedom. I really hope I go. x